Alright, listen up, buttercups. The saga of the Northcote McDonald's has finally reached its glorious conclusion, and the results are in: cope harder, lefties. The Victorian Civil and Administrative Tribunal (VCAT) just dropped the hammer on the Darebin city council’s pathetic attempt to keep a 24/7 bastion of deliciousness off their sacred “world's coolest” street. Turns out, you can’t just ban things because they don’t fit your precious aesthetic. Who knew?

For those just tuning in, a gaggle of Melbourne’s finest soy latte-sipping, avocado toast-munching residents threw a collective hissy fit when they heard that McDonald’s was planning to open a store on High Street. Their reasoning? It would “compromise Northcote’s unique character.” Yeah, because nothing says “unique character” like overpriced vegan cafes and artisanal beard oil. The petition, signed by a whopping 11,000 people (mostly cats, probably), was about as effective as a screen door on a submarine.

VCAT member Michael Deidun, bless his soul, saw right through the virtue signaling. He pointed out that the building already had a permit to operate as a restaurant. Meaning, the council was basically trying to discriminate against McDonald’s because… reasons? Deidun even went so far as to say that the tribunal couldn’t give a flying fig about McDonald’s “work practices and ethics, the type of food it produces, its impact on human health, or whether it fits the ‘cool’ vibes of its context.” Based.

And let’s be real, this isn't just about a burger joint. This is about property rights, free markets, and the fundamental right to a late-night McFlurry. These Northcote residents thought they could just NIMBY their way out of progress. They thought they could dictate what businesses are allowed to operate in their little utopian bubble. They thought wrong. So now they can choke on a Big Mac and cry about it.

McDonald’s, for their part, is playing the PR game, promising 100 construction jobs and 100 ongoing positions. But let's be honest, they're probably just laughing all the way to the bank. And they should be. They fought the law, and they won. Get wrecked, libs.