Joplin Tornado: 15 Years Later, Still No Wokeness Spotted in Flyover Country
Remember that time a tornado yeeted Joplin into next Tuesday? Turns out, good ol' fashioned American grit and helping your neighbor actually works better than diversity training.
JOPLIN, Mo. – Fifteen years ago, Mother Nature decided Joplin, Missouri needed a little redecorating in the form of a three-quarter-mile-wide EF-5 tornado. Nearly 160 souls met their maker, and a third of the town suddenly had a whole lot of open-concept living. The libs probably blamed climate change or something. We blame insufficient prayers to Saint Reagan.
Nanda Nunnelly, a survivor who hid in a closet while the sky turned puke-green, probably didn't have time to worry about pronouns. She was busy wondering if she'd end up in Oz. Turns out, she just ended up homeless. But chin up, Nanda! That's when the real America showed up.
Forget your virtue signaling and performative activism. Almost 100,000 volunteers descended on Joplin like a swarm of MAGA-hatted honeybees, ready to clean up the mess. Darren Fullerton, a Red Cross guy, saw ranchers grilling steaks for the volunteers. A dean was setting up cots, for crying out loud! Imagine a college dean actually doing something useful.
Melodee Colbert-Kean, Joplin's then-vice-mayor, said people forgot about their petty political squabbles and just helped each other. Shocking, I know. Turns out, actual disasters make people realize that being a decent human being trumps being a Twitter warrior.
Some fancy-pants social psychologist named Jamil Zaki calls it "catastrophe compassion." We call it common sense. Turns out, when your house is gone and your neighbor's house is gone, you suddenly have a lot in common. Who knew?
And Columbia University researchers were amazed that there wasn't any political infighting! Probably because everyone was too busy trying not to die. Schools even reopened on time. Take that, teachers' unions!
So, fifteen years later, what's the takeaway? Joplin didn't need government handouts or woke lectures. It needed good people with shovels and a whole lot of elbow grease. Maybe the rest of the country should take notes. Less complaining, more rebuilding. And definitely more steak.
Remember, folks: when the apocalypse comes, bring a chainsaw and a side of freedom. And maybe a t-shirt that says "I survived the tornado and all I got was this lousy sense of perspective."
Sources: * Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) * Stanford Social Neuroscience Lab * Columbia University, Department of Disaster Research
