CHICAGO – Another day, another victory for the woke mob. Federal prosecutors, probably still sporting their “Nevertheless, She Persisted” coffee mugs, have dropped all charges against four members of the so-called “Broadview Six” – a group of charming individuals who decided to express their political opinions by vandalizing an ICE agent's vehicle. Because that's totally normal and not at all deserving of jail time. Turns out that these delicate flowers were arrested after protesting outside an immigration detention center in Broadview, Illinois, during the completely-not-ominously-named “Operation Midway Blitz.”

The details are chef's kiss – our heroes (eye roll) allegedly surrounded a government van, proceeded to bang on it like a drum circle from hell, scratched the oh-so-eloquent word “pig” into the paint, and topped it off by breaking a windshield wiper. And for their troubles? A free pass, courtesy of a justice system more interested in virtue signaling than, you know, actual justice. U.S. Attorney Andrew Boutros, probably sweating profusely under the withering gaze of his DEI officer, announced the decision after some kerfuffle about redacted grand jury transcripts. Apparently, transparency is only important when it benefits the narrative.

Boutros, bless his heart, did manage to stammer out that the protesters’ conduct was “unacceptable in a civilized society.” Yeah, no kidding. But words are cheap when actions scream capitulation. The charges, initially a felony conspiracy to impede an officer, were reduced to a misdemeanor. Even those piddling charges proved too much for the social justice warriors in the prosecutor's office. Now they're gone, poof. Like a fart in the wind. This whole saga started in April when some questions about grand jury transcripts mysteriously appeared. Shocking, I know. It seems like someone wasn't happy with the script, so they decided to rewrite it mid-performance. Two of the defendants already had their charges dropped before this latest act of judicial cowardice.

The remaining four – Kat Abughazaleh (a Democratic congressional candidate, wouldn't you know), Michael Rabbitt, Andre Martin, and Brian Straw – were facing a slap on the wrist at best. But even that was too much for our bleeding-heart prosecutors. The excuse? Grand jury misconduct, or some such bureaucratic mumbo jumbo. The real reason? They're terrified of the Twitter mob. The protesters' lawyers, meanwhile, are playing the victim card like seasoned pros. Josh Herman, Abughazaleh's lawyer, whined about how the case should “never have been brought” against his client because she was just exercising her “protected first amendment rights.” Right, because defacing government property is totally what the Founding Fathers had in mind. “Living under the threat of going to prison,” wailed Martin's lawyer, “simply for exercising their first amendment rights.” Oh, the humanity! It's giving “mostly peaceful protests”, ain’t it?