Okay, folks, settle down. Another aspiring Antifa-killer tried to make a splash at the White House Correspondents' Dinner and ended up face-planting harder than Biden on Air Force One. Cole Tomas Allen, 31, Caltech brainiac (allegedly), thought he could John Wick his way through the Washington Hilton. Spoiler alert: he couldn't.

This dude, bless his heart, apparently sent a manifesto to his family ten minutes before trying to become famous. Said the security was “insane.” Newsflash, genius: it was insane enough to stop you. Maybe stick to theoretical physics, eh?

According to Acting AG Todd Blanche (who sounds like a character from a bad crime novel), this guy was probably gunning for Trump. Because of course he was. It's always Trump Derangement Syndrome, isn't it? Can't these guys find a more original villain? Like, I dunno, global warming or something?

Secret Service Director Sean Curran, bless his heart, is out here saying the security worked. And you know what? He's probably right. One cop got grazed by a bullet, thanks to the magic of Kevlar. So, points to the good guys, I guess.

Weijia Jiang, WHCA president, is thanking everyone, as she should. Probably drafting a strongly worded letter to the catering company about the gluten-free options, too. Priorities, people.

Trump, doing his usual Trump thing on Fox News, said the guy never even got close. Which, true. But still, a little too close for comfort, amirite?

So, what did we learn? Firstly, don't trust Caltech grads with manifestos. Secondly, the Secret Service, despite being filled with deep state operatives (probably), still knows how to tackle a loser. Thirdly, the WHCD is officially more dangerous than your average congressional hearing. Lower those expectations, people.

Look, the real problem isn't the security, it's the clowns who think violence is the answer. These guys need to log off Twitter, get a job, and maybe touch some grass. Seriously. Go outside.

The media's gonna milk this for all it's worth. Expect wall-to-wall coverage about the 'threat to democracy' and calls for more gun control. Don't fall for it. This was one idiot, not a national crisis.

Anyway, back to the memes. Gotta go own some libs online. That's where the real revolution is happening, right?