WASHINGTON — Well, well, well, look who finally got out. Tulsi Gabbard, the DNI-who-tried-to-drain-the-swamp-but-got-swamped-herself, has resigned after a whole 15 months of wrangling with the Deep State. Remember when everyone freaked out that a (gasp!) former Democrat was put in charge of intel? Turns out, trying to fix a corrupt system from the inside is harder than it looks.

Gabbard apparently tried to downsize the ODNI, which, let's be honest, probably has more paperclip pushers than actual spies these days. She claims a 30% reduction in staff – probably by firing the people who refilled the coffee machine with decaf. Sen. Tom Cotton, bless his heart, told her to slim down the agency during her confirmation. Good luck with that, Senator. Bureaucracy is like herpes; it never really goes away.

And then there was the Director’s Initiatives Group (DIG), which sounds like something out of a bad spy movie. They were supposed to investigate important stuff like the origins of COVID (was it a bat? Was it a lab leak? Who knows, man?), Russian collusion (still happening, apparently), and Havana Syndrome (maybe they should just stop listening to the radio). The DIG got shut down, probably because they got too close to the truth. Or maybe they just ran out of funding. Who cares?

Naturally, the swamp creatures hated her. She had the audacity to demand loyalty from her staff! Like, shouldn't that be a basic requirement? Her acting chief of staff, Alexa Henning, sounds like a real firecracker, defending Tulsi against the usual accusations of being a Putin puppet or a cult member. You know, the classics.

Rumor has it Trump iced her out of important meetings. Probably because she started asking too many questions. Or maybe because Trump just likes talking to himself. Either way, it sounds like she became persona non grata faster than you can say "Russiagate."

So, what does this all mean? Nothing, probably. The swamp will keep on swampin'. The Deep State will keep on deep-statin'. And we'll all keep paying for it. But hey, at least Tulsi tried. Give her credit for that. Maybe she'll write a book about it. Or start a podcast. Or run for president again. Who knows? In the meantime, pour one out for the DNI who tried to fight the system… and the system won.

Sources: * Office of the Director of National Intelligence (ODNI) * United States Senate Intelligence Committee * Center for Strategic and International Studies (CSIS) * The Heritage Foundation Project 2025