Orange County, CA – Well, well, well, if it isn't California, the land of fruits, nuts, and impending environmental doom, serving up another spicy disaster. This time, we've got a 34,000-gallon tank of methyl methacrylate (MMA), which sounds like something out of a Breaking Bad episode, threatening to either spill thousands of gallons of toxic goo or, you know, explode.

So, the geniuses at GKN Aerospace, who apparently build stuff for planes (you'd think they'd know a thing or two about containing volatile substances), have a leaky tank. Orange County Fire Authority Interim Chief TJ McGovern is running around like a chicken with his head cut off, saying they've been working "around the clock." Around the clock to do what, exactly? Watch the tank slowly turn into a chemical IED?

Incident Commander Craig Covey says the tank is "unable to be secured and mitigated." Translation: They're screwed. We're all screwed. The tank could fail, unleashing a chemical tsunami of 6,000 to 7,000 gallons of "very bad chemicals." Or, it could go into "thermal runaway" and explode, turning the whole area into a scene from Mad Max. Choice is yours, really.

"We are setting up these evacuations in preparation for these two options: It fails, or it blows up," Covey helpfully explains. Thanks, Captain Obvious. Garden Grove Police Chief Amir El-Farra is pleading with the public for help. Newsflash: the public can't stop a chemical explosion. Maybe try calling Elon Musk or something. He likes solving impossible problems. Or just rename the city Wakanda, that seems to work for them.

Meanwhile, Rep. Derek Tran (D-CA), because of course he's a Democrat, is "closely monitoring the toxic leak." Translation: He's sending thoughts and prayers while simultaneously drafting a bill to raise taxes on gasoline. What a hero.

MMA, by the way, is some gnarly stuff. It's flammable, toxic, and probably turns you into a zombie if you drink it. Thanks, Big Chemical! Thanks, Big Government, for letting this happen! If this tank pops, California might as well secede and become its own toxic wasteland. At least then they'd own the libs… with cancer.

But hey, at least California is still banning plastic straws, right? Priorities, people, priorities! When the mushroom cloud rises over Orange County, just remember: at least you saved a turtle.

Sources: * Orange County Fire Authority (because who else are you gonna trust?) * Fox News (because everyone else is lying) * 4chan (for the memes)