Boston, MA – Another day, another example of why personal responsibility is a dead concept. Apparently, some entitled millennials thought it would be a brilliant idea to steal a boat, because consequences are for other people. Elizabeth "Lizzie" Dankert, bless her heart, ended up paying the ultimate price for someone’s stupidity near Logan Airport after she and her friends allegedly decided that borrowing a Freedom Boat Club vessel without permission was a grand idea. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

According to reports, these geniuses boarded the boat after the club was closed. Because rules? What are those? Lee Gordon, some suit from Brunswick Corporation, which owns the boat club, confirmed that the whole escapade was unauthorized. You don't say!

Now, I’m not saying Dankert deserved what happened. But at some point, you gotta look at your friends and say, “Hey, maybe stealing a boat at night isn’t the smartest move.” But no, gotta chase those fleeting TikTok clout points, right?

The usual suspects are already lining up to blame everything but the actual perpetrators: systemic inequality, lack of access, climate change… you name it. Spare me. This isn't a societal problem; it's a bunch of privileged idiots thinking the world is their playground.

Boston EMS had to risk their necks to pull these morons out of the water. One dead, three injured. All because someone couldn’t resist the urge to joyride in a stolen boat.

Phillip Wajda, a spokesperson for Union College, gave the standard PR-approved statement about how Dankert was an “exceptional student-athlete.” Of course, she was. Everyone’s exceptional until they’re involved in a boat-stealing, pier-crashing incident.

The Suffolk County District Attorney’s Office is “investigating.” Translation: taxpayers are now footing the bill for this whole mess.

Look, I’m not heartless. A young woman died, and that’s always sad. But let’s not pretend this was some random act of fate. This was a direct result of irresponsible behavior and a complete lack of respect for the law. Remember kids, YOLO doesn't mean steal a boat and crash it.

And the Left? They’re probably already drafting legislation to provide free boats to everyone to prevent future “inequality.”

So, the next time you’re tempted to do something stupid, remember Lizzie Dankert and the pier. It might just save your life – and a whole lot of taxpayer money.

The irony is lost on nobody: they wanted freedom, and they found it… at the bottom of Boston Harbor.