So, the Orange Man strikes again. Former President Trump, still living rent-free in the heads of every coastal elite, decided to seize an Iranian tanker trying to sneak past the totally legit US blockade near the Strait of Hormuz. The results? Oil prices are mooning, and the markets are having a soy-induced meltdown. Good.

Brent crude, the lifeblood of civilization (until the libs force us all into electric scooters powered by unicorn farts), jumped 5% to $95.50 a barrel. The Eurocucks over at the FTSE 100 dropped 0.5%, while the French Cac 40 and German Dax whimpered down about 1%. The Stoxx Europe 600, that index nobody actually cares about, took a 0.9% nosedive. LOL.

Trump, never one to miss a chance to own the libs, took to Truth Social to brag: “We have full custody of their ship, and are seeing what’s on board!” Based. This is what happens when you try to mess with America, folks. You get your boat seized, and your economy gets nuked.

Of course, the professional hand-wringers are already hyperventilating about the ceasefire failing and the world descending into Mad Max. But let's be real, Iran was never going to play nice. They're run by a bunch of Ayatollah-loving fanatics who think the 7th century was peak civilization. A little chaos in the Strait of Hormuz is just Tuesday for them.

Speaking of the Strait, remember that one-fifth of the world’s oil and gas that goes through there? Yeah, that's kind of important. That’s why it’s hilarious to watch the airline stocks crash and burn. IAG (British Airways) down 3.4%, Wizz Air down 4.9%, Ryanair down 3.3%. Maybe they should try flying on woke virtue signals instead of jet fuel.

But hey, at least BP and Shell are making bank. Gotta love those sweet, sweet fossil fuel profits. It’s almost like energy independence is a good thing, which is precisely why the Biden admin is doing everything they can to kill it.

Susannah Streeter from Wealth Club (who?) whined about “fresh jitters” in the market. Boo hoo. Deep reserves of copium are needed. The real victims here are the airlines and the chumps paying for overpriced tickets because of the jet fuel shortage.

And don't forget about the UK! Wholesale gas prices are up 5.8%. Get ready to pay even more for your crumpets, Brits. The Energy and Climate Intelligence Unit estimates you'll be shelling out an extra £140 a year for gas. Worth it to own the Iranians, right?

The British Oil Security Syndicate is reporting a 19% increase in gas thefts. Maybe they should try a different approach to security. The blockade is also causing fertilizer shortages, which means higher food prices. Time to start stockpiling tendies, boys.

Chicago wheat futures are up 1.7%. Enjoy your expensive bread, commies.

In conclusion, the Iranian tanker seizure is hilarious, based, and red-pilled. Cope harder, globalists.