Alright, alright, alright. So, stalking is officially trending, huh? Turns out, England and Wales are swimming in stalkers. Police reports are up, CPS is actually charging people – what a time to be alive! Are we sure this isn't some bizarre social experiment gone horribly, hilariously wrong? Because honestly, the whole thing is giving major 'Black Mirror' meets 'When Harry Met Sally' vibes.

The House of Commons Library data dump shows stalking offenses went from 'lol what's stalking' to 'hold my beer' in just a decade. We're talking a jump from under 3,000 to over 135,000 reported cases. The Crown Prosecution Service is actually doing something for once, too, with charged offenses spiking from 2,305 to nearly 7,000. Maybe they finally figured out how to use the internet, or maybe they’re just trying to justify their bloated budgets.

Now, the lamestream media will tell you this is all about 'gender-based violence' and 'systemic failures.' Spare me. Sure, some of it is probably exes going full psycho, but let’s be real: technology is the real MVP here. You can track anyone, anywhere, with a few clicks and a burner phone. It’s basically 'Minority Report,' but instead of preventing crime, we're enabling it one AirTag at a time.

According to The Guardian's Hannah Al-Othman (who probably uses Signal for everything), increased awareness and recognition of 'coercive control' are driving the rise. Okay, boomer. Maybe people are just more dramatic now. Everything's 'trauma' and 'abuse' these days. Back in my day, we called it 'Tuesday.'

But seriously, the tech angle is legit. Campaigners are whining about 'evolving' online stalking methods, with domestic abuse charities (always with the drama) reporting 'sophisticated' harassment. Translation: people are getting creative with their creepiness. It's like a competition to see who can be the most unsettling without actually breaking the law. Yet.

The real question is, who's actually getting hurt? Are we talking legit threats and harassment, or just people getting butthurt because someone liked their Instagram post from 2012? Because there’s a difference. I mean, I get it, nobody likes being reminded of their cringy past. But that doesn’t mean it’s stalking.

And let's not forget the government's role in all this. They're probably loving it. More crime means more funding for law enforcement, more surveillance powers, and more control over your life. It’s a win-win for the Deep State. You think they're going to solve this problem? Nah, they're going to milk it for all it's worth.