Cambridge, UK – Oh, here we go again. Sadiq Khan, perpetually triggered by the mean tweets about his spectacular mismanagement of London, is now demanding the government unleash the thought police on social media. Apparently, anyone who dares to point out the, ahem, challenges facing the city is spreading “disinformation” and must be silenced. It’s like living in 1984, but with worse traffic.

Khan, bless his heart, is deeply concerned about this “outrage economy.” What he really means is that he’s losing the narrative battle online. People are noticing things aren’t exactly sunshine and rainbows in London, and he can’t handle the heat. So, naturally, his solution is to sic the government on anyone who dares to question his glorious leadership. Ironic, considering he’s the one who’s been spreading his own brand of misinformation for years.

This groundbreaking research from the Greater London Authority (paid for with your tax dollars, of course) shows that… wait for it… people online are saying London is dangerous! And… gasp… they’re even talking about the impact of migration! Clearly, this is all the work of Russian bots and rogue AI from Vietnam. Nothing to do with actual events on the ground, no siree!

"We're right to expect big tech to do better but we should not rely on it,” Khan bleated. Translation: “Big Tech isn’t censoring enough people for me, so I need the government to step in and do the dirty work.” He’s basically admitting that he wants to weaponize the state to silence his critics. How very democratic of him.

He wants a “new central body” to police the internet. Sounds totally not Orwellian, right? This new Ministry of Truth will have the “agility and authority” to crush dissent and protect our delicate democracy from… checks notes… people expressing their opinions. It’s like the Spanish Inquisition, but with more Twitter.

Of course, Khan himself has been the target of mean tweets. Boo hoo. Welcome to the internet, buddy. Maybe if he spent less time virtue signaling and more time fixing the problems plaguing London, he wouldn’t be such a popular target. Just a thought.

Apparently, some of this “disinformation” is coming from Russia and China. Groundbreaking! As if they needed to invent problems in London when Khan is doing such a bang-up job creating them himself. Maybe he should focus on securing the city’s borders instead of policing its memes.