London — Alright, buckle up buttercups, because we've got another episode of 'Oppression Olympics' coming to you live from the UK. Apparently, British Palestinians are now claiming they're being 'gaslit' and can't speak freely about their feels regarding the ongoing… checks notes… situation in Gaza. Sara Husseini, director of the British Palestinian Committee (shocking, another committee!), is leading the charge, claiming her peeps are being treated like suspects instead of the VICTIMS of mass suffering.

Oh, the suffering! Because, you know, nobody else in the history of the world has ever suffered. Except maybe the dinosaurs, and they didn't have the Guardian to whine to about it. Husseini says people are afraid to wear their watermelon pins (subtle!) and Arabic jewelry. Boo-hoo. Try wearing a MAGA hat in Berkeley, sweetheart, then tell me about oppression.

And of course, it's all timed perfectly for the annual Nakba march – that joyous celebration of victimhood where they commemorate the… squints… 78th anniversary of the time Israel was created. Because, you know, self-determination is only cool when they do it.

Husseini, who apparently spent years advising the PLO (a real bastion of peace and tolerance!), says the last two and a half years have been the 'darkest chapter' since 1948. Clearly, she's never read a history book. Or maybe she has, just selectively.

But don't worry, she's got some good news! Apparently, the British public is super supportive. All those marches? All those virtue-signaling petitions? It's giving them 'emotional survival'! So, you know, at least someone's feelings are being validated. Meanwhile, back in reality, actual problems exist.

And speaking of reality, UNRWA – that famously unbiased organization – says 111 Palestinians got dusted in Gaza in April alone. Plus, the emergency tents are infested with disease-carrying rodents! Sounds like a real paradise. Maybe they should try, I don't know, cleaning the tents instead of blaming everything on Israel?

Seven hundred Palestinians have fled to the UK, and I'm sure they're all vetted and bringing nothing but good vibes to the party. Right? Right?

So, there you have it. Another day, another sob story from the perpetually aggrieved. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go put on my MAGA hat and go trigger some snowflakes. Because freedom, baby!