Hold on to your soy lattes, folks, because coal is back! And with it, apparently, comes a little extra mercury in the air, according to some eggheads at The Times. Guess those virtue-signaling solar panels ain't quite cutting it, huh?

Remember when the eco-left was crowing about the death of coal? Turns out, reality has a funny way of slapping sanctimonious elites in the face. People need power, and coal gets the job done. So yeah, maybe a little mercury got loose. You know what else gets loose? The Border. Which is more important?

These pearl-clutching activists are always whining about something. First it's carbon footprints, then it's plastic straws, now it's mercury emissions. Give me a break. Meanwhile, China is building a new coal plant every week and spewing pollution like a dragon with indigestion. But no, let's focus on American jobs and American energy independence.

They'll tell you mercury fries your brain, makes you dumber than a gender studies major. Okay, boomer. I drink diet soda and eat processed cheese. A little mercury ain't gonna kill me; the woke agenda will.

Look, nobody wants to live in a toxic wasteland. But let's be real: the green agenda is about control, not the environment. It's about forcing us to drive tiny electric cars and eat bugs while the elites fly around in private jets. No thanks.

If these climate hysterics really cared about the environment, they'd be pushing for nuclear power. But that makes too much sense, doesn't it? Gotta keep the narrative going, gotta keep the donations flowing. It's all a grift, folks.

So, coal is back, mercury is up, and the libs are having a meltdown. Sounds like a winning combination to me. Pass the freedom fries and crank up the AC.

The best part about this whole thing is the sheer irony. They tried to kill coal with their regulations and taxes, but all they did was make it more valuable. Supply and demand, baby! Econ 101. They will never learn.

And don't even get me started on the virtue signaling. These people are so desperate to feel good about themselves, they'll sacrifice entire industries on the altar of environmentalism. It's pathetic, really. They all drive Tesla's but what about the environmental impact of mining lithium? Crickets.

The real environmental problem is trash, not coal. We got so much plastic waste in the ocean that our grandchildren will be surfing on landfills. Let's fix that first, then we can talk about mercury levels.

At the end of the day, this is about freedom. The freedom to use the resources we have to power our economy and our lives. The freedom to choose what kind of energy we want to use. The freedom to laugh at the woke mob.

So raise a glass (of clean, American-made beer) to coal, mercury, and the inevitable collapse of the climate change narrative. We'll be here, enjoying the prosperity while the rest of the world is stuck in the dark. It's gonna be great, for me!