So, Iran decided to give our oh-so-strategic military bases in the Gulf a little love tap. Apparently, all that 'diplomacy' and 'de-escalation' was just a suggestion, not an actual plan. Who could have possibly foreseen this, other than literally everyone with a brain?

Remember when they told us the Iran deal would bring peace and harmony to the Middle East? Yeah, about that... It's almost like appeasing dictators doesn't work. Shocking, I know.

But hey, at least we're 'engaged' in 'dialogue.' Maybe we can send them a strongly worded letter next time? Or perhaps a strongly worded tweet from the President? That'll show 'em.

Meanwhile, our brave boys and girls in uniform are stuck playing target practice for a regime that hates our guts. And for what? To 'promote democracy'? To 'spread freedom'? Nah, just to keep the oil flowing and the military-industrial complex churning. Thanks, guys.

I bet the woke generals are busy working on their diversity and inclusion initiatives while the Ayatollahs are plotting our demise. Priorities, people! Gotta make sure everyone feels safe and included, even as the world burns around us.

The real question is: how long until we start blaming this on climate change? Or systemic racism? I give it a week, tops. Everything is problematic, except of course the disastrous foreign policy that led to this mess in the first place.

Time to dust off the old 'Mission Accomplished' banner, I guess. At least it will be useful for something.

Maybe we should just build a giant wall around the Middle East and call it a day. Seems like the only logical solution at this point. And make Iran pay for it, of course.