So, they found the USS Tampa, the Coast Guard cutter that ghosted us back in 1918. Big whoop. Turns out, it was swimming with the fishes after getting rekt by a kraut U-boat. One hundred and thirty-one souls aboard, poof, gone. Biggest American naval loss of WWI? Sounds about right. Bureaucracy plus boats never ends well. Just ask the Titanic (another government project, probably).

The Tampa, formerly the Miami (because apparently, originality wasn't a thing back then), was built in 1912. Started as a lighthouse tender, because why not? Then, BAM, World War I hits, and suddenly it's a warship. Because slapping guns on a glorified buoy-mover makes you ready to take on the Kaiser's finest. What could go wrong?

This nautical clown car was tasked with babysitting convoys in the UK and France. Escorting supply ships? Real glamorous work. Imagine being stuck on that thing, chugging lukewarm coffee, while some German sub is playing peek-a-boo with your hull. No wonder they all looked so thrilled in the old photos. cue sarcasm

September 26, 1918. Date that lives in infamy. The Tampa gets a date with a torpedo from UB-91. Surprise! Down she goes, faster than Biden's approval rating. No survivors. Zero. Guess they didn't have life jackets back then. Or maybe they did, and they were all made of lead.

For decades, the Tampa was just a legend. A ghost ship, haunting the dreams of middle-aged men who collect military memorabilia. Now, they found it. Probably disturbed some eels and a few disgruntled crabs. And what are we going to do with this knowledge? Build a woke memorial? Commission a diversity and inclusion task force to investigate the lack of female representation on 1918 Coast Guard cutters? Hard pass.

They'll probably dredge up some artifacts. Rusty forks, moldy boots, maybe a half-eaten ration of canned beans. Stuff it in a museum and charge $25 a head to see it. Meanwhile, the families of the victims get a heartfelt press release and a pat on the back. Thanks for your service. Now go away.

The whole thing is just another reminder that government is inefficient, war is dumb, and the ocean is a cold, uncaring mistress. But hey, at least we got a cool story out of it. And maybe, just maybe, some enterprising deep-sea diver will find a treasure chest full of gold doubloons. Now that would be a W.

So, raise a glass to the USS Tampa. Or don't. It's not like they can hear you. They're dead. And probably being used as crab condos. The circle of life, folks. The circle of life.

At least this gives us something to meme about. Prepare for Tampa-themed Wojaks and SpongeBob edits. The internet never forgets (or has any respect).

And let's be real: this whole thing is probably just a distraction from whatever shady stuff the government is really up to. New tax hike? Another unconstitutional executive order? Who knows. But while you're busy pondering the fate of some century-old sailors, they're busy robbing you blind.

So, stay woke, patriots. And remember: never trust the government. Especially when they're involved with boats.

End rant.