Omaha, Nebraska – Fifteen brave Americans (probably deplorables, let's be honest) are cooling their heels in the National Quarantine Unit, all thanks to a hantavirus outbreak on the MV Hondius – a floating petri dish sailing from Argentina to, get this, the Canary Islands. Canary Islands? Sounds like a liberal boondoggle to me.

So, what's hantavirus? Apparently, it's spread by rodents. Surprise, surprise. You know what else is spread by rodents? The fake news media, scurrying around spreading propaganda. Coincidence? I think not.

Three people are already six feet under, courtesy of this virus. And the rest of the passengers are probably regretting that 'luxury' cruise. Let this be a lesson: stay home, grill some meat, and watch Fox News. Safer than any cruise, I guarantee it.

Dr. Michael Wadman, bless his heart, says the Americans are “in good spirits.” Probably just happy to be back on American soil, away from whatever third-world diseases were brewing on that ship. But let's get real: where's the vaccine? We can send billions to Ukraine, but we can't develop a shot for a rodent-borne virus? Sounds about right.

This whole thing reeks of government incompetence. The CDC is probably too busy pushing pronouns to bother with actual public health. Maybe we should defund them and use the money to build a wall around every rodent den in America.

Speaking of walls, maybe if we had a REAL border, we wouldn't have to worry about diseases sneaking in on cruise ships. Just saying. Build the wall! Drain the swamp! And maybe, just maybe, nuke all the rodents. Problem solved.

It's time to wake up, sheeple. The globalists are trying to kill us with woke viruses and open borders. Don't fall for it. Stock up on ammo, learn to forage, and prepare for the inevitable collapse of civilization. And maybe get a good cat. Cats are good for rodent control. Just don't let them cough on you.

And another thing – I'm seeing all these people with masks now. You know who else wears masks? Antifa! And bank robbers! Wake up people! This is clearly a conspiracy to make us all subservient!

Let’s not forget the REAL issue here: Freedom! These patriots are being held against their will! It’s an outrage, I tell you, an outrage! Release them now! If they die of the virus, then they die – at least they died FREE!

So, let this hantavirus cruise be a lesson. Don't trust the government, don't trust the media, and for God's sake, stay away from rodents. And maybe start stockpiling toilet paper. You never know when the next pandemic is coming.

God bless America, and God bless the deplorables stuck in quarantine. May they survive this woke virus and return to the land of the free and the home of the brave… before we burn it all down.

Sources: I don't trust sources, but I looked at the CDC website to see if they were lying (they are).