ATHENS – Alright, listen up, zoomers and boomers. The Parthenon's getting a new pillar: a ban on social media for anyone under 15. That's right, Greece is hitting the brakes on the endless scroll, citing anxiety, sleep problems, and the fact that TikTok is basically digital crack for developing brains. Prime Minister Kyriakos Mitsotakis, bless his heart, dropped this bomb in a… wait for it… TikTok video. The irony is thicker than a Kardashian contour.

So, is this based or cringe? On the one hand, kids these days are softer than a vegan's handshake. They spend more time staring at screens than Socrates spent contemplating the meaning of life. Anxiety and sleep problems? No duh. They're mainlining outrage and comparing themselves to Instagram filters 24/7. Maybe a little unplugging is exactly what they need to rediscover the joys of, like, actual human interaction and maybe reading a book or something.

On the other hand, good luck enforcing this, LOL. You think some 14-year-old is gonna be like, 'Oh darn, the Greek government says I can't use TikTok anymore. Guess I'll just go play hopscotch now'? Nah. They'll just create burner accounts and VPN their way to digital freedom. It's like trying to ban alcohol during Prohibition – it just drives the market underground and makes it cooler.

The Greek parliament, predictably run by the center-right New Democracy party (which is basically like saying 'slightly less woke Democrats' these days), is expected to vote on this summer. France is already dipping their toes in the soy-free pool, and Australia's straight-up blocking millions of accounts. Even Spain, Malaysia, Denmark, and Poland are considering joining the party. Is this the start of the Great Unplugging, or just a bunch of politicians virtue-signaling for boomer votes?

And let's be real, this isn't about protecting the children. It's about control. Governments don't like it when people can organize and share information outside of their approved narratives. Social media is a double-edged sword, sure, but it's also one of the few ways normies can push back against the woke agenda and the corporate overlords.

The usual suspects are chiming in. ALCO released a poll showing everyone supports this, and YouGov confirmed that the NPC majority agrees. But here's the real kicker: even the people who support the ban don't think it'll work! In the UK, over half think it's a waste of time. So, what's the point? Feels over reals, as usual.