Milan - Okay, so Demna's first Gucci show just dropped, and it's… something. Apparently, we're ditching classy Italian luxury and diving headfirst into 'sexy' – think less La Dolce Vita, more Jersey Shore. We’re talking dresses so short Emily Ratajkowski was practically redrawing the hemline mid-catwalk, and Kate Moss rocking a diamante G-string like it's 2003 all over again. So much for Italian craftsmanship, am I right?

Demna, bless his heart, claims Botticelli inspired this… aesthetic. Yeah, because The Birth of Venus is totally about nearly naked chicks strutting around with phone-scrolling dudes. The elites are gobbling it up, of course. Donatella Versace and the Hilton sisters were front row, probably taking notes on how to weaponize skimpy outfits for maximum attention. I guess we can kiss the idea of 'class' goodbye, huh?

Gucci is supposedly trying to regain relevance with the 'underground culture'. Okay, so now thongs, nearly-naked women and blatant sexuality is underground culture? I though it was the mainstream at this point.

Let's be real: this is about sales. Gucci's numbers tanked under the last guy, and Kering (the parent company) is sweating bullets. They're throwing Demna in to shake things up, hoping to recapture that Tom Ford-era 'slutty-yet-aloof' magic, or maybe the 'gender-fluid and vintage-curious' Alessandro Michele vibes. Anything to get those sweet, sweet profits flowing again. The billionaire owners are happy to throw anything at the wall if it means they can continue to pay for their lifestyle.

Demna himself is loving it, by the way. Claims he's now 'creating from an emotional standpoint, not an intellectual one'. Translation: he's finally allowed to indulge his inner horndog and call it 'art'. He is also apparently falling in love with himself, which is probably not something we need to be paying attention to.

The most hilarious part? ChatGPT apparently predicted he'd just slap monograms on oversized bomber jackets. Now that's a prediction I could get behind. Missed opportunity, Demna, missed opportunity.

The whole thing feels like a desperate grab for attention in a world drowning in it. Remember when luxury meant… well, luxury? Now it means flashing your buttcheeks for Instagram likes. The world is truly going to hell in a handbasket, and it's wearing a diamante G-string while it does it. Remember when being sexy was a privilege and not a mandate?

If Gucci can't stay afloat with what they are doing now, they are screwed. This is their last attempt to make money so that they can stay afloat. I hope they enjoy objectifying women, because that is going to be the hill they die on. This won't last forever. I give it 2 years, max before this style falls out of favor and something else more ridiculous and pointless takes its place.