Just when you thought the British political circus couldn't get any more ridiculous, the absolute state of the Labour party has collapsed into a full-blown civil war over who gets to control your wallet. With Keir Starmer rage-quitting on Monday, Andy Burnham—who literally just became an MP for Makerfield a week ago—is already preparing to slide into No 10 next month. But before the 'King of the North' can even unpack his bags, the union barons are already pulling his strings and demanding their tribute.

Enter Andrea Egan, the boss of Unison, Britain's largest trade union. Egan has publicly endorsed none other than Ed Miliband to be the next Chancellor. Yes, that Ed Miliband. Unison is demanding a Chancellor who will 'rewire the economy'—which is political code for massive tax hikes in the autumn budget and spending billions of taxpayer pounds on nationalizing water and energy companies. Egan openly threatened Burnham, saying his historic opportunity would be 'squandered' if he doesn't let the hard-left run the Treasury.

According to the rules confirmed by the National Executive Committee (NEC) on Thursday, Burnham will be crowned unopposed on July 17 if no one else steps up. If some brave soul manages to rustle up 81 nominations from Labour's MPs, we get a drawn-out leadership election that drags on until August 29. But let’s be real: Burnham has this locked down, which is why the real knife-fight is happening over the keys to Downing Street's money printer.

Opposing Miliband is Wes Streeting, the darling of the Blairite wing and the corporate lobbyist's best friend. Streeting, the former Health Secretary who famously loved bringing the private sector into the NHS, is being pushed by international investors and business groups who want a 'safe pair of hands' to keep the market stable. In other words, the establishment wants Streeting to make sure the corporate grift continues, while the left is terrified he won't go through with taking utilities back under public control.

To make this comedy of errors even better, Burnham is already showing his hand by appointing his old buddy James Purnell as his chief of staff. Purnell is a card-carrying Blairite, and his appointment has absolutely triggered the left-wing of the party. The fact that Burnham is trying to balance a Blairite chief of staff with a potential socialist Chancellor shows he's already trying to please everyone and will likely please no one.

Adding to the chaos, the union cartel is already turning on itself. While Unison is ride-or-die for Miliband, two of the other massive unions—GMB and Unite—are actively opposing him. You love to see the absolute disunity among the people who claim to represent the entire working class. They can't even agree on which socialist retro-candidate they want running the economy.