Byron Bay, NSW – Remember Jackson Stacker, the 25-year-old Melbourne hipster who wanted to 'live off the land' and 'not impact the environment'? Turns out, his biggest impact was on a nearby paddock, where his skeletal remains were discovered after a month-long stay. Now the homicide squad is poking around, because apparently, becoming one with nature sometimes involves a hunting knife and a coroner with a raised eyebrow.

Stacker, bless his organic cotton socks, was chasing that elusive 'alternative lifestyle' – the kind you see advertised on Instagram by influencers selling overpriced kombucha. Covid border closures left him stranded in Byron Bay, which, let's be honest, is basically the Burning Man of Australia, minus the permits and plus a whole lot of overpriced real estate.

His dad, Ian, claims Jackson was all about sustainability. Sure, pops. Maybe he was just tired of shaving and wanted to score some free weed. Whatever the reason, Jackson's van ended up abandoned, ransacked, and smelling like a dumpster full of kale smoothies. Classy.

Two days later, Jackson was found under a tree, looking less like a free-range guru and more like a forgotten prop from a low-budget zombie movie. The coroner, bless her bureaucratic heart, noted a 'large hunting-style knife' chilling near his chest. No DNA, of course. Because CSI is just a TV show, people. Also, no evidence he even owned said knife. Sketchy AF.

Mommy dearest, Sandra MacFarlane, even found one of his teeth under a leaf. Talk about a souvenir! You can't make this stuff up, folks. Actually, I am making it up, but based on the facts, of course.

The family is crying foul, saying Jackson wasn't suicidal. Maybe not. But let's be real, dude was tripping on LSD a week before he vanished. Maybe he just wandered off into the woods and got shanked by a disgruntled wombat. Who knows?

The coroner admits Jackson was probably 'distressed or depressed' (duh), but couldn't rule it a suicide. No note, no clear motive, just a dead dude and a mysterious knife. Cue the dramatic music.

So now the homicide squad is on the case, which probably means they'll spend six months interviewing trust-fund kids and yoga instructors before filing it away as 'unsolved.' But hey, at least Jackson Stacker got his wish: he's now a permanent part of the Byron Bay ecosystem. Circle of life, baby!