Okay, listen up, chucklef*s. The geniuses in charge decided it was a bright idea to poke the ayatollah in Iran. Surprise, surprise, things are getting spicy. Our very own Department of… Forgettable Acronyms and Travel (DFAT) is now telling Aussies over there to hunker down and ration the Vegemite.

Penny Wong, fresh from virtue-signaling about something or other, retweeted some warnings about “escalation.” As if tweeting is gonna stop a missile. Maybe she should tweet at the missiles, tell them to be more inclusive. Probably work just as well.

Smartraveller, the website where common sense goes to die, is now screaming about airstrikes in Tehran. No kidding. They also mention the possibility of “reprisal attacks.” You think?

So, if you’re trapped in Iran because you thought backpacking through a theocracy was a good idea (lol), DFAT recommends you “shelter in place.” Which is government-speak for “good luck, you’re on your own.” Make sure you have water, food, and meds. And maybe a tin foil hat. Can't hurt.

And get this: the embassy is suspended. Because nothing says “we’ve got your back” like abandoning your citizens in a warzone. But hey, at least they withdrew the dependents of officials from Israel and Lebanon. Priorities, people. Priorities.

The whole thing’s a clusterf*, frankly. Years of appeasement and woke diplomacy have led to this. Now we're stuck with a potential regional war because the clowns in charge thought lecturing everyone on pronouns was more important than projecting strength. Remember when Australia actually had a spine?

Look, the US and Israel probably had their reasons for the attack. Maybe Iran was getting too close to nukes. Maybe they were funding terrorism. Whatever. But the timing couldn’t be worse. The world’s already on fire, and now we’re adding gasoline.

So, what’s the solution? Honestly, I have no idea. But I know this: more virtue-signaling and apologies aren’t going to cut it. We need strong leadership, a clear strategy, and a willingness to defend our interests. And maybe a few less lectures about microaggressions.

In the meantime, if you’re an Aussie in Iran, find a bunker, stock up on supplies, and pray. And maybe send a strongly worded tweet to Penny Wong. It probably won't help, but at least you'll feel like you're doing something.