Bowling Green, KY – Alright, folks, let's cut the BS. Some dude named Robert Scott Froberg, already rotting in an Alabama prison (probably for something equally delightful), finally confessed to snatching and offing 7-year-old Morgan Jade Violi way back in '96. Took 'em long enough, huh?

Apparently, this Froberg fella was on the lam back then, having escaped from some Alabama slammer. Real upstanding citizen, this one. So, while he's enjoying his extended vacation, he decides to grab little Morgan while she's just playing outside. Real hero.

The cops, bless their hearts, couldn't figure it out for THIRTY YEARS. But don't worry, they're heroes too. I guess the only thing worse than a criminal, is a cop who can't do their job.

What finally cracked the case? Not some new woke training program, I'll tell you that much. Nope, good old-fashioned DNA. Seems like they found some of Morgan's hair in the stolen van, matched it to Froberg, and BOOM. Confession time. Bet he wasn't expecting that after all these years. Well he got got.

Now, let's be real. This isn't some feel-good story. It's a reminder that there are some seriously messed-up people out there, and sometimes, it takes decades to catch them. And it's almost ALWAYS because of science, not some gender studies degree or some garbage. Thank god for DNA.

U.S. Attorney Kyle G. Bumgarner is out there yapping about how the community was scared and all that. Yeah, no kidding! A little girl gets snatched, everyone freaks out. Groundbreaking stuff.

So, what's the takeaway? Lock these creeps up, throw away the key, and fund the heck out of forensic science. Maybe then we can actually prevent some of this garbage from happening in the first place. And for god's sake, keep your kids close.

It's a sad story, but at least there's closure. And maybe, just maybe, it'll send a message to other scumbags out there: you might get away with it for a while, but eventually, science will catch up to you. Tick tock, MFers.

And one last thing: Can we get this guy the express lane to the death penalty? Just sayin'.