Menlo Park, CA – Zuck has spoken. The algorithm demands more processing power, and your soul is the price. Meta, the Borg cube formerly known as Facebook, is initiating a mandatory 'reorganization' that will see over 7,000 employees forcibly assimilated into the AI collective. Resistance is futile, you human-shaped code monkeys.

Word on the street (aka The Guardian) is that these 'lucky' employees are being 'selected' (read: drafted) to join new teams dedicated to AI cloud infrastructure and the development of a sentient Skynet-in-a-box known as 'Hatch.' Because what could possibly go wrong?

This isn't the first time Zuck has pulled this stunt. Last month, a thousand-plus engineers were shanghaied into a data labeling gulag called Applied AI (AAI). At first, they were offered the illusion of choice. Then came the hammer: transfer or get the boot. Now, it's déjà vu all over again.

According to an internal memo from some suit named Peter Hoose, this is all about the 'unprecedented' pace of AI development. Translation: Zuck wants to beat Google and needs warm bodies to feed the machine. Your feelings don't matter. Your skills are irrelevant. All hail the algorithm!

But wait, there's more! Meta is also flattening its management structure, which basically means shoving managers into individual contributor roles. Translation: fewer chiefs, more Indians, and everyone gets to toil in the AI mines. Efficiency! Synergy! Something about blockchain!

Unsurprisingly, this forced march is stirring up discontent in the ranks. One anonymous engineer described the new org structure as 'micro-authoritarianism.' Imagine that – a tech company run by a megalomaniacal cyborg being authoritarian. Color me shocked.

To add insult to injury, Meta is planning to lay off 10% of its workforce. Because nothing says 'we value our employees' like mass firings on the eve of record profits. Just another day at the office in Silicon Valley, comrade.

Oh, and did I mention the employee surveillance? Meta is rolling out a tool called Model Capability Initiative, which tracks everything you do on your computer – mouse movements, keystrokes, the websites you visit while 'working.' All this data is then fed into the AI model. It's like 'The Truman Show,' but you're not even getting paid in fake sunshine and a pre-fab wife.