BEIJING - Okay, so Emperor Xi, the guy who runs China like a communist daycare center, says he's totes excited about the 'constructive and strategic' relationship with the good ol' US of A after Trump graced him with his presence. Right. Like we believe that.

'Constructive,' he says. More like 'convenient' for the ChiComs to keep raking in the dough while ripping off American innovation and building islands in international waters. 'Strategic'? Yeah, strategically undermining the West. We see you, Xi.

Trump probably got a good deal on some cheap trinkets for his golf course, while Xi got to play the big shot and pretend he's not terrified of the Orange Man. It's all a big Kabuki dance, folks.

Remember that time Hillary 'reset' relations with Russia? Yeah, how'd that work out? Spoiler alert: Not great. But hey, at least she got a cool 'reset' button. This is basically the same song and dance, just with more noodles and less vodka.

Let's not forget that China is still run by a bunch of communist dictators who crush dissent and harvest organs from political prisoners. But hey, as long as they buy our soybeans, everything's chill, right?

Don't even get me started on the South China Sea. Xi's building a sandcastle empire, and nobody seems to want to stop him. Meanwhile, our Navy's busy renaming ships to be woke. Priorities, people!

So, yeah, Xi's happy. Trump's happy. The Swamp's happy. But are you happy? Didn't think so.

Keep your eye on the ball, folks. China's not our friend. They're playing the long game, and we're too busy arguing about pronouns to notice.

Wake up, sheeple! They're laughing at us.

Sources:

* Office of the United States Trade Representative * United States Geological Survey