Alright, snowflakes, settle down. Before you all started virtue signaling about soccer, the US actually had a World Cup history. And guess what? It's mostly a dumpster fire of epic proportions. We're talking injuries that would make a doctor puke, controversies that would trigger a Karen, and enough dead guys to fill a cemetery. Buckle up, buttercups, because this ain't your woke fairy tale.

The 1930 World Cup? Our best finish ever, apparently. But let's be real, it was like winning a participation trophy at a Special Olympics event. We had a bunch of Brits playing for us because, you know, America's soccer scene was about as developed as Biden's brain. Sure, we beat Belgium and Paraguay, but who cares? It's not like anyone was watching back then. Oh, and some dude named Bert Patenaude scored a hat-trick. Took them 32 years after he died to confirm it. Talk about a delayed reaction.

Then comes 1934. We had to beg FIFA to let us play a qualifier against Mexico in Italy. We won, but Mexico whined about their travel. Cry more, amigos. Then we got absolutely destroyed by Italy. Worth it? Probably not. But hey, at least we got a free trip to Europe, paid for by the taxpayers, no doubt.

1950. We beat England. Big deal. It's like a chihuahua beating a Great Dane. A fluke. And the guy who scored the goal, Joe Gaetjens? Murdered in Haiti. Talk about a buzzkill. So much for diversity is our strength.

And let's not forget the 1994 World Cup, hosted in the US. The event that magically made everyone a soccer fan. We beat Colombia thanks to an own goal that got Andres Escobar capped. How's that for feel-good story, libtards?

So, yeah, that's the US World Cup history. A mix of mediocrity, tragedy, and random acts of violence. Enjoy the 2026 World Cup, you virtue-signaling soccer moms. Just remember, you're standing on the graves of forgotten players and questionable decisions.

Don't expect the lamestream media to tell you the real story. They're too busy pushing their woke agenda and pretending that soccer is the sport of the future. But we know the truth. It's just another way for globalists to undermine American values and promote cultural Marxism. Wake up, sheeple!

Remember when soccer was just for European immigrants and weird kids? Now it's a globalist plot to undermine America. Sad!