DOUGLAS COUNTY, Ga. – Alright, folks, gather 'round the dumpster fire, because this one's a doozy. Some Georgia teacher, Maris Nichols (25, so basically still a kid herself, probably obsessed with avocado toast), allegedly decided her Alexander High School classroom was a real-life OnlyFans set. Apparently, she took “hands-on learning” a little too literally.

Two felony counts, baby! Sounds like our girl Maris got a little too friendly with a student, allegedly bumpin' uglies in a closet and, for a change of scenery, a Hummer parked in some random driveway. A HUMMER! Does this chick think she’s still in 2003? At least the gas prices are higher than her standards, right?

The Douglas County School System is “deeply troubled.” Yeah, no kidding. You'd think they'd be used to this by now, considering the garbage they're pushing in schools these days. Maybe if they spent less time teaching kids about pronouns and more time, you know, the actual subjects, this wouldn't happen. Just a thought.

Remember when teachers were respected authority figures? Now they're virtue-signaling activists more interested in indoctrinating your kids than educating them. And sometimes, apparently, much, much worse. Maybe we need to bring back nuns with rulers. At least they kept things PG-13.

Of course, the school district is all about “cooperating fully with state and local law enforcement.” Translation: damage control. They're probably already crafting a press release about diversity and inclusion to distract from the fact that one of their employees went full predator.

And let's be real, this isn't just about one bad apple. This is about a system that's rotten to the core. A system that prioritizes woke ideology over common sense, that empowers teachers to overstep their boundaries, and that leaves parents feeling helpless and ignored.

So, what's the solution? Fire everyone. Nuke the entire Department of Education. Okay, maybe not everyone, but definitely anyone who thinks it's okay to sexualize children or promote radical ideologies in the classroom. Parents, get involved! Run for school board! Homeschool! Do something!

And as for Maris Nichols? Lock her up and throw away the key. Maybe she can teach her cellmate a lesson on consent… or, you know, just spend some quality time contemplating her life choices in a concrete box. Either way, she's off the payroll.

This is what happens when you let the lunatics run the asylum. Time to take back our schools, folks. Before it's too late.