So, apparently, these little fish commies are now climbing waterfalls. 50-foot waterfalls, no less. I guess gravity is just another social construct to be deconstructed by the radical left, amirite? Remember when fish were content to just, you know, swim? Now they're demanding equal access to higher elevations. Next they'll be demanding pronouns.

Seriously though, how are these things doing it? Some kinda evolutionary mumbo-jumbo about specialized fins and shimmying? Sounds like a load of hooey dreamt up by pointy-headed academics in their ivory towers. Wake up, sheeple! It's probably the government experimenting with gene editing, trying to create an army of aquatic super-soldiers to enforce their woke agenda.

And you know what else this means? More regulations! More environmentalist wackos telling us we can't build dams or develop resources because it'll hurt the precious waterfall-climbing fish. It's always the same story: protect the snails, protect the spotted owls, protect the fish. Never mind the hardworking Americans who need jobs and cheap energy.

I bet these fish are getting government grants, too. Taxpayer dollars funding their extreme climbing expeditions while the rest of us are struggling to pay our bills. It's a freakin' outrage! And don't even get me started on the virtue signaling. I bet the NPR reporter who wrote this is just trying to get woke points by highlighting the plight of these oppressed aquatic beings.

This is just another example of the left's relentless assault on common sense and traditional values. They want to tear down everything we hold dear, from our borders to our gender roles to…apparently…the very laws of physics. But we won't let them win. We'll stand strong, defend our way of life, and maybe even throw a few nets in the waterfall to catch these commie fish. MAGA!

Honestly, though, it's kinda cool. Like, nature is weird, man. But still... probably a deep state plot.

Remember the good old days when fish knew their place? Simpler times. Before everyone needed a participation trophy and access to the mountaintop.

Whatever, I'm going fishing.