INDIANAPOLIS — Okay, folks, settle down. The Dallas Wings beat the Indiana Fever 107-104. Big whoop. Apparently, it was a historic game 'cause both teams scored over 100 points. Must be those participation trophies they hand out at halftime now.

Arike Ogunbowale dropped 22 for the Wings. Paige Bueckers and Odyssey Sims each chipped in 20. Sims was apparently on the Fever last year. So much for loyalty, eh? Gotta get that woke dollar, I guess.

Caitlin Clark, the supposed savior of the WNBA (lol), had 20 points and seven assists. Not bad, but not exactly lighting the world on fire, is it? Maybe she should focus less on social justice virtue signaling and more on sinking those threes. Just sayin'.

They keep telling us how this game was some monumental event because it featured the last four #1 draft picks. Yawn. Remember when sports were about actual talent, not manufactured hype? This is what happens when you let ESPN run the show. It's all about the narrative, not the game.

Ogunbowale said, "This game was rough. I’m not saying this was our best game, but we got the win." Well, duh. Winning is the point, isn't it? Isn't that what they used to teach us before everyone got soft?

Clark whined, "I feel good, started off a little slow I think just the anxiety of the first game." Oh, the pressure! Must be tough being the chosen one. Cry me a river. The girl needs to toughen up if she wants to survive in this league. Or maybe she just needs a better chiropractor.

Apparently, Clark had a back issue. Probably from carrying the entire WNBA's marketing department on her shoulders. Maybe she should lay off the woke activism and focus on strengthening her core.

Honestly, the whole thing felt like a giant virtue-signaling exercise. The WNBA is desperately trying to stay relevant, and they're using Clark as their poster child. But will it work? I doubt it. People are tired of being lectured. They just want to watch a good game. But good luck finding one in this league.

Final score: Wings win, woke loses (again). Now get off my lawn.

Remember, folks, stay frosty. And don't believe the hype.