Grand Rapids, MI – In a stunning development that proves even normies can stumble upon based truths, a 2023 study has resurfaced, revealing the shocking secret that... checks notes... talking to people is good for you. Apparently, smiling at strangers isn't just something boomers do before complaining about millennials – it's a legitimate mood booster. Who knew?

The groundbreaking research, spearheaded by some shrink named Gillian Sandstrom, started with a simple observation: being a lonely loser sucks. Sandstrom, feeling like a total outsider at Toronto Metropolitan University, found solace in the daily ritual of waving at a hot dog vendor. This earth-shattering realization – that even minimal human contact can prevent you from going full incel – formed the basis of her research.

NPR, bastion of the perpetually online, actually reported on this. Rhitu Chatterjee, bless her heart, wrote about how forcing yourself to acknowledge the existence of other humans actually improves your happiness. It's almost like the internet isn't real life, and real life involves, you know, people.

Kristin Jenkins, a professor at Cornerstone University in Michigan (probably some woke indoctrination camp, but whatever), is now making her students talk to strangers. The results? Apparently, even the terminally online introverts among them are begrudgingly admitting that it... feels good? The horror!

One student, Alaina Avery, even admitted to gasp shaking a mechanic's hand and having a pleasant conversation. Jessenia Garcia Garnica, initially horrified by the prospect of interacting with the unwashed masses, conceded that it got easier over time. Truly, these are the end times.

Saskia Guikema, some kind of healthcare worker (probably dealing with vaxx injuries, just saying), noticed that even minimal effort – like remembering someone's name – can make a difference. Morgan Scholten, proving that not all hope is lost for Gen Z, summed it up perfectly: talking to people makes you feel less like a soulless husk.

So, there you have it. The secret to happiness, according to science, is... get this... going outside and interacting with people. Maybe, just maybe, the real red pill was human connection all along. Time to log off, touch grass, and maybe even smile at a stranger. Just don't expect me to hold their hand while I do it.

But let's be real, this is probably just a psyop to get us to trust the system again. Wake up, sheeple! Don't let them distract you with feel-good nonsense while they're destroying the country. Remember to stack silver, learn to code, and always be wary of hot dog vendors.

And for God's sake, avoid eye contact with anyone wearing a mask. Just saying.