So, the commies at NPR are at it again, pushing their globalist agenda by glorifying the '94 World Cup. Oh, the '94 World Cup, you say? That's right, remember that time the UN decided America needed more 'soccer'? Before that, we had football. Real football. With helmets and concussions and American grit. Now we got guys flopping around like they've been shot by a sniper every time someone breathes on them.

Before '94, soccer was something your weird European uncle watched. Now your kids are all wearing brightly colored spandex and pretending to be Portuguese. Thanks, FIFA. Thanks, Clinton.

The article says it 'kicked off America's love affair with soccer.' More like it kicked off America's slow descent into a nation of soy boys and participation trophies. Back in my day, we didn't need some fancy foreign sport to teach us about teamwork. We had Little League and backyard brawls. Now everyone's all about 'cultural exchange' and 'global understanding.' Sounds like something they teach in a Chinese re-education camp.

And let's not forget about MLS. Oh, that glorious attempt to Americanize a fundamentally un-American sport. It's basically a retirement home for washed-up European players who want a paycheck and a tan. And somehow, we're supposed to be impressed?

They claim the U.S. Women's National Team made soccer popular. Yeah, they're popular because they're loud and woke and virtue signal harder than AOC at a Green New Deal rally. I miss the days when athletes just played the game and didn't try to lecture me about their political opinions.

The 2026 World Cup? More like the 2026 woke-fest. Get ready for kneeling during the national anthem, transgender halftime shows, and a whole lot of virtue signaling. I'd rather watch paint dry.

Wake up, America! Soccer is a Trojan horse. It's a way to undermine our traditional values and turn us into a bunch of latte-sipping, Prius-driving globalists. Don't let them win! Make America Football Again!

They say it’s about bringing people together. More like diluting our culture with a bunch of European softies. Give me a beer, a burger, and a good old-fashioned American football game any day of the week.

So next time you see someone kicking a ball around, remember the '94 World Cup. Remember the day America started losing its way. And maybe, just maybe, you'll understand why some of us are so damn mad. It’s not just about soccer; it’s about the soul of our nation. And these damn globalists are trying to steal it, one perfectly manicured pitch at a time.