So, JPMorgan Chase, Citigroup, Wells Fargo, BlackRock, and PNC Financial – basically, the usual suspects – just dropped their Q1 earnings reports. Turns out, they're doing just fine, thank you very much. Riding high on the fumes of freshly printed money, apparently. Remember that whole 'Silicon Valley Bank going belly up' thing? And Signature Bank doing the Titanic impression? Yeah, well, they got bailed out, and we get to pay for it through inflation while these guys pop champagne corks.

JPMorgan Chase had record sales. RECORD. Meaning, while you're deciding between ramen and refried beans for dinner, Jamie Dimon is probably lighting cigars with $100 bills. Citigroup, Wells Fargo, BlackRock, and PNC Financial are all grinning ear-to-ear, too. It's the financial version of 'we're all in this together' except they're in a yacht and you're in a leaky rowboat.

But wait, there's more! Retail sales are apparently tanking. Translation: normal people aren't buying as much stuff. Probably because they're broke. So, the banks are making bank, but the rest of us are staring down the barrel of a recession. Sounds about right.

And just to add insult to injury, the University of Michigan is going to tell us how sad and poor we all are with their consumer sentiment survey. Thanks, guys. Really needed that.

Economists (lol) are predicting the biggest earnings decline for S&P 500 companies since the good ol' days of the pandemic lockdowns. So, get ready for more 'supply chain issues' that mysteriously translate to 'higher prices.'

The banks, though? Oh, they're 'resilient.' Because when you have the government guaranteeing your bad bets, you can afford to be. This whole thing is less 'capitalism' and more 'rigged casino.'

Silicon Valley Bank and Signature Bank were just a taste of what happens when you let woke virtue-signaling clowns run a bank. Turns out, 'diversity and inclusion' initiatives don't pay the bills when you're betting on unicorn startups that burn cash faster than a forest fire. But hey, at least they had pronouns in their email signatures.

The takeaway? The system is working exactly as intended – for them. The rest of us are just collateral damage in their never-ending quest for more power and profits. So, keep working hard, paying your taxes, and trusting the 'experts.' It's definitely working out great for everyone, right?

Time to buy Bitcoin and learn to homestead. Or at least invest in some cheap ramen.

Sources:

* Federal Reserve Board (because they're the ones printing the money): [https://www.federalreserve.gov/](https://www.federalreserve.gov/) * U.S. Bureau of Economic Analysis (for the real economic numbers they don't want you to see): [https://www.bea.gov/](https://www.bea.gov/) * University of Michigan Survey of Consumers (for the lulz): [https://data.sca.isr.umich.edu/](https://data.sca.isr.umich.edu/) * Securities and Exchange Commission (the gatekeepers of the rigged casino): [https://www.sec.gov/](https://www.sec.gov/)