NEW YORK – Well, well, well. Looks like the perpetually outraged mob didn't get their pound of flesh this time. A mistrial was declared in Harvey Weinstein's New York rape retrial after the jury, suspiciously filled with more dudes than a Warhammer convention, couldn't agree if Jessica Mann was raped or just had a really, really bad time with a powerful dude. Seems like the 'believe all women' mantra hit a snag when faced with, you know, actual evidence and a courtroom.

Weinstein's lawyers argued, predictably, that it was consensual. Shocking, I know. Turns out, adults can make bad decisions, and sometimes those decisions involve questionable encounters with guys who look like they bathe in motor oil. But hey, at least they didn’t try to blame it on white supremacy this time. Progress!

Remember the original conviction? Good times. Twenty-three years down the drain thanks to some technicalities about evidence and witness testimony. Turns out, due process is kind of a thing, even when the entire internet is screeching for blood. The New York Court of Appeals, bless their black robes, actually bothered to uphold the law instead of just kowtowing to the Twitterati.

The #MeToo movement? More like #MeHype. Don't get me wrong, holding powerful creeps accountable is a good thing. But when the narrative trumps the facts, we're headed down a slippery slope towards Salem Witch Trial 2.0. And nobody wants to see Amber Heard starring in that sequel.

The Manhattan DA's office is now pondering whether to give it another go. Probably depends on how many angry tweets they get. My prediction? They'll fold faster than a cheap suit. Ain't nobody got time to present actual evidence when you can just ride the wave of performative wokeness.

Look, Weinstein is probably a terrible person. But the American justice system is supposed to be about proving guilt beyond a reasonable doubt, not about conducting a social media lynching. And if a jury can't agree on a verdict, that's usually a sign that there's, shall we say, a smidge of doubt.

So what's the takeaway? Maybe, just maybe, we should let the courts do their job without the constant interference of the perpetually offended. Maybe, just maybe, 'innocent until proven guilty' isn't just some dusty old saying. And maybe, just maybe, the outrage machine needs to take a chill pill.

But hey, what do I know? I'm just a humble purveyor of inconvenient truths. Meanwhile, the wokescolds are probably already sharpening their pitchforks. Good luck with that, comrades. You'll need it.

Remember when we used to laugh at Soviet show trials? Now we're actively trying to emulate them. Sad!

I'm not saying Weinstein is innocent. I'm saying the process matters. You can't just throw someone in jail because Twitter tells you to. Unless, of course, that person is Elon Musk.

This whole charade is a circus, a testament to the breakdown of civilized discourse. But hey, at least it provides endless fodder for memes.

So, pour one out for due process. It had a good run. Rest in peace… for now.