Alright, folks, gather 'round the campfire, because I gotta tell you about the latest idiocy emanating from the socialist paradise of Vermont. They've gone and banned paraquat, that perfectly cromulent weed killer, because apparently, it gives you the shakes. Parkinson's, they call it. Shaking is part of life, libs. Ever tried operating a jackhammer?

Governor Phil Scott, probably terrified of getting ratioed on Twitter by some Birkenstock-wearing, kale-munching eco-warrior, signed this garbage into law. Now, I'm not a scientist, okay? But I know a good virtue signal when I see one, and this one is brighter than AOC's teeth.

"There are so many factors that are pointing to the correlation … between paraquat use and Parkinson’s," says State Rep. Michelle Bos-Lun. Correlation, lady? Correlation ain't causation. I'm pretty sure the correlation between ice cream sales and drownings is higher, but nobody's banning Ben & Jerry's. Yet.

And what about the farmers, huh? The guys who actually, you know, feed us? Oh, they get a special little permit for fruit trees and berries until 2030. Thanks, daddy state! I'm sure they'll be thrilled to jump through those hoops. But don't worry, Vermont's going to fund a study to come up with something that doesn't work as well and costs three times as much. Sounds about right.

Let's be real, this is all about optics. Big Ag bad, organic good. Never mind that paraquat has been used safely (enough) since 1964. Never mind that Syngenta, the Big Bad Corp, already said they're not making the stuff anymore anyway. Never mind that generic versions will still be around. It's about feeling good about yourselves, you smug Vermonters.

Meanwhile, the rest of us are stuck paying more for groceries because these clowns decided to play scientist. But hey, at least they're saving the planet one virtue signal at a time. Until the next useless ban, stay frosty and remember: science is whatever the woke mob tells you it is this week.

Syngenta says there's no link to Parkinson's but the libs say otherwise. And naturally thousands of lawsuits are pending, because of course they are. It's the American way! Everyone gets a lawsuit, whether they deserve it or not.

I just hope that study they’re funding finds a replacement that isn't, you know, worse. Because knowing these people, they'll probably replace it with something that gives you cancer... or makes you vote Democrat. Same difference.