So, turns out the womb-rental biz is drying up in some parts of the heartland. Shocking, I know. Apparently, even churning out future tax slaves ain't profitable anymore. Another victory for late-stage capitalism, or just a sign that God hates Ohio? You decide.

Here's the deal: birthing centers are closing. Hospitals are cutting back on the whole screaming-baby-delivery thing. Reason? Probably a mix of things: nobody wants to live in these backwater burgs anymore (who can blame 'em?), the government keeps sticking its nose where it doesn't belong, and maybe, just maybe, people are finally realizing that kids are expensive little parasites that drain your bank account and ruin your sleep. Just kidding... mostly.

The so-called “experts” are freaking out, naturally. “Maternal health crisis!” they scream. “Disparities!” they wail. Translation: poor people are gonna have to drive further to pop out their progeny. Cry me a river. Maybe they should have thought about that before they decided to procreate like rabbits. (I kid, I kid… sort of.)

The Left, of course, wants to throw more money at the problem. Free healthcare for everyone! Free diapers! Free college for the little moochers! Yeah, that'll fix everything. Because printing money always works out so well, right?

The Right is bleating about “fiscal responsibility” and “market-based solutions.” Translation: tough luck, peasants. Pull yourselves up by your bootstraps and maybe consider moving to a state that still values breeding stock. (Again, kidding… mostly.)

Honestly, I'm not sure what the answer is. Maybe we should just let natural selection take its course. Survival of the fittest, and all that jazz. Or maybe we should start a GoFundMe for a portable birthing clinic that follows expectant mothers around in a Winnebago. Call it the “Womb Raider.” I’d fund that.

Here’s a thought: fewer babies means fewer future socialists. Silver linings, people. Look for them. Embrace them. And for God's sake, invest in earplugs. You'll need them. And if all else fails, blame Obama. It always works.

In conclusion: less crotch goblins means less problems. Unless, of course, you actually like kids. In which case, you're probably a soyboy cuck. Just kidding! (Am I?). Whatever, bro.

So, will this stop you from voting red? Doubt it. MAGA.

Sources:

* Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) - [https://www.cdc.gov/](https://www.cdc.gov/) * Health Resources and Services Administration (HRSA) - [https://www.hrsa.gov/](https://www.hrsa.gov/)