Alright, listen up, chuds. Another day, another virtue-signaling 'report' from the UK's Institute for Public Policy Research (IPPR), conveniently backed by the perpetually grievance-mongering TUC. This time, it's about AI – because apparently, the robots are oppressing us now. The 'think' tank – and I use that term loosely – wants to give workers, and especially unions, more control over how AI is implemented in the workplace. Because, you know, unions have such a great track record of fostering innovation and economic growth (insert eye roll emoji).

According to their 'data' (grain of salt strongly advised), a whopping 20% of workers think AI is making their lives better, while a slightly more terrifying 21% think it's making things worse. And a minuscule 4% think they've already lost their jobs to the machines. Cue the socialist tears.

The report – which I'm sure was painstakingly researched while sipping artisanal coffee and lamenting Brexit – divides the impact of AI into three neat little boxes: augmentation (good!), degradation (bad!), and displacement (the boogeyman!). Augmentation is when the robots help us. Degradation is when they monitor us (like your boss isn't already doing that, lol). And displacement is when they take our jobs. The horror!

The IPPR's 'solution' – because every problem needs a government-sized hammer – is a 'statutory duty' for employers to consult with their workers on AI adoption. Translation: more red tape, more bureaucracy, and more power for unions to gum up the works. They also propose a 'worker support levy' – basically, a tax – to fund portable benefits like union membership (surprise!), insurance, and 'training'. Because who needs skills when you have a union card?

The TUC's Paul Nowak – who I'm sure is a staunch capitalist and supporter of free markets (another eye roll) – chimed in with some predictably histrionic rhetoric about the Industrial Revolution and how only the labor movement saved us from wage stagnation. Newsflash, Paul: the Industrial Revolution created more wealth and opportunity than any union ever could.

Of course, the UK government – currently led by the woke-tastic Rachel Reeves – is all-in on AI, because it's the 'defining technology of our era'. But instead of letting the free market work its magic, they're busy trying to micromanage everything, ensuring that the robots are woke and that everyone gets a participation trophy. This is a joke. The current government are hell bent on virtue signalling. Not one of them has ever built a business. What could possibly go wrong?