Okay, folks, buckle up, because Daddy Trump just dropped a truth bomb on the Eurocucks. Five THOUSAND troops packing their bags and leaving Germany after Merkel, bless her perpetually furrowed brow, decided to get uppity about the whole Iran thing. You know, the thing where we're not letting the Ayatollahs get nukes?

Now, the official line is all about “burden-sharing” and making Germany cough up more dough for their own defense. Which, let's be real, is code for “stop relying on Uncle Sam to pay for your everything, you socialist freeloaders.” But everyone knows what really happened. Merkel mouthed off, Trump’s Twitter finger twitched, and now boom, the Krauts are down 5,000 potential bratwurst customers.

Let's be honest: Germany's been skating by on American goodwill for decades. While we're busy policing the world and fighting wars against sand people, they're busy building their economy and lecturing us about climate change. Newsflash, Greta: A strong military requires a strong economy. You can't virtue signal your way to victory.

The libs are already having meltdowns, screaming about “weakening NATO” and “emboldening Putin.” Cry harder, snowflakes. Maybe if Europe actually bothered to defend itself instead of relying on American might, Putin wouldn't be so emboldened in the first place. It's almost like responsibility breeds strength, who knew?

And let's not forget the sweet, sweet tears of the military-industrial complex. Less troops stationed in Germany means less government contracts, which means less money lining the pockets of the warmongers. Good. Maybe they'll spend that money on, I don't know, building a wall or something equally based.

Now, some people are gonna say this is just Trump being petty. And maybe it is. But sometimes, petty is exactly what you need to send a message. Sometimes, you gotta slap the table and remind people who's still running the show. And right now, that's still Trump.

So, crack open a cold one, salute the flag, and enjoy the salt. Another day, another win for MAGA. Let the hand-wringing elites clutch their pearls and whine about “international norms.” We're too busy winning to care. Next stop: making the Swiss guard armed with AR-15s.

This ain't your grandpappy's foreign policy. This is the Trump Doctrine: Don't start none, won't be none. Unless you're Merkel. Then you get 5,000 fewer Americans hanging around. So don't get any ideas, Canada.