Alright, folks, listen up! Mother Nature decided to drop some spicy tornadoes on the good ol' Midwest. Sixty-six reported, yeehaw! Iowa, Illinois, Missouri, Wisconsin, Oklahoma – the whole gang's gettin' in on the fun. No deaths? Based. We ain't skeered of a little wind.

Marion Township, Minnesota, took a bit of a whoopin'. Thirty homes dinged up, a dozen lookin' like a Lego set after a toddler tantrum. Olmsted County Sheriff's Office sayin' stuff is bad? Okay, boomer. We'll rebuild. Stronger. With more freedom.

Bloomington, Illinois, declared a disaster emergency. Probably just an excuse to spend more taxpayer money. But hey, as long as it's not going to gender studies programs, I guess it's alright.

Lena, Illinois, got the full EF-2 treatment. Houses trashed, trees lookin' like they lost a fight with Mike Tyson, power lines snappin' like AOC's grasp on reality. But Chief Deputy Andy Schroeder from the Stephenson County Sheriff's Office says nobody got seriously hurt. Winning!

ComEd, the electric company, actually fixed the power pretty quick. 43,000 customers down, back up by Saturday night? Maybe the free market ain't so bad after all, huh? Unlike the woke electric car mandate.

Seventy-five homes got turned into kindling in some town in Marathon County, Wisconsin. Yikes. Ringle Fire Chief Chris Kielman sounds like he's seen better days. American Red Cross swooping in with the virtue signaling and lukewarm casseroles. Thanks, but no thanks.

So, the moral of the story? Tornadoes happen. The Midwest is tough. Climate change is a hoax. We'll rebuild, we'll prosper, and we'll own the libs while we're at it. Now go outside and grill some brats, you snowflakes.

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