So, turns out, all that 'democracy dies in darkness' stuff was just a smokescreen for more grift. Americans are finally noticing that politicians are basically walking ATMs for special interests, and surprise, surprise, they don't like it. As campaign spending hits levels that would make Bezos blush, even normies are starting to suspect the system's rigged. Shocker.

Remember Citizens United? The Left melted down harder than a snowflake in July. Turns out, letting corporations have free speech wasn't exactly the end of the world, but it did unleash a tidal wave of cash. Now, every election cycle is an arms race to see who can buy the most TV ads and brainwash the most boomers. Good times.

And let's be real, it's not just the 'evil corporations' doing the bribing. Soros and his army of woke foundations are dumping cash into every race from dog catcher to president, pushing their agenda of open borders, CRT, and whatever other flavor-of-the-month garbage they're peddling. It's all about the Benjamins, baby.

The real question isn't whether there's too much money in politics, it's whose money is doing the talking. The Left likes to whine about 'dark money' and 'corporate greed,' but they're perfectly happy to take cash from billionaires who want to defund the police and turn America into a socialist paradise. Hypocrites, the lot of them.

What's the solution? Honestly, who knows? Maybe term limits for everyone, including lobbyists. Maybe blockchain voting to stop the cheating. Or maybe just embrace the chaos and start accepting Bitcoin for campaign donations. At this point, anything's better than the status quo.

So next time you see a politician promising you the moon, remember to follow the money. Chances are, they're not working for you – they're working for whoever wrote the biggest check. And that's the real American dream, folks: buy low, sell high, and rig the system to your advantage.

Just remember: if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Start a Super PAC. Get that sweet, sweet corporate cash. Buy yourself a politician. It's the American way.

The system's rigged, the swamp is deep, and the only way to win is to play dirty. Buckle up, buttercups. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

Sources:

* Federal Election Commission (FEC) (for the lolz) * OpenSecrets.org (because transparency is kinda funny) * The Daily Caller (for when you need a palate cleanser)