Okay, so Tim Cook raked in the dough for Apple. We get it. Dude squeezed every last penny out of those iGadgets. But let's be real, Apple's lost its mojo. It's gone full corporate, embracing every woke trend under the sun. Remember when Apple was about innovation and sticking it to the man? Now it's about virtue signaling and pushing the latest progressive cause. Yikes.

Cook ran Apple like a well-oiled machine, churning out profits quarter after quarter. But at what cost? The soul of Apple? The rebellious spirit that made it the envy of Silicon Valley? It's gone, baby, gone.

Steve Jobs, bless his turtleneck-wearing heart, understood that people wanted cool, not corporate propaganda. He gave us the iPod, the iPhone – gadgets that changed the world. Cook gave us slightly thinner iPhones and a whole lotta corporate buzzwords.

The next CEO needs to be someone who understands that people buy Apple products because they want cutting-edge technology, not a lecture on social justice. They need to stop trying to be the PC police and start focusing on making products that are actually innovative.

Who's gonna take the reins? Some diversity hire who's more interested in pronouns than processors? Or someone who actually gets what made Apple great in the first place? The stakes are high, folks. This isn't just about Apple's stock price; it's about the future of cool itself.

If Apple keeps pandering to the woke mob, it's gonna end up like Bud Light – a cautionary tale of corporate self-destruction. People are tired of being lectured to by corporations. They just want good products at a fair price. Is that too much to ask?

So, can Apple become cool again? Maybe. But it's gonna take a serious course correction. They need to ditch the woke garbage, focus on innovation, and remember what made them the envy of the tech world in the first place. Otherwise, Apple's gonna be another forgotten tech giant, remembered only for its virtue signaling and overpriced dongles.

Good luck, Apple. You're gonna need it. And maybe hire a comedian to run your social media. You could use the help.