Just when you thought the timeline couldn’t get any more unhinged, we now have people catching federal charges over pool paint. The U.S. Park Police (USPP) are officially on a manhunt for a woman who was caught on camera performing some kind of covert operation at the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool last Friday at 3:36 p.m.

The video released by the feds shows a woman with dark hair, a gray tee, black shorts, and a handbag kneeling down by the water and reaching her arm in. Why? Because the pool has become the latest battleground in the culture wars.

Here’s the backstory: President Trump decided the Reflecting Pool needed a patriotic glow-up, so his administration tried to resurface it to look "American Flag Blue." Naturally, things didn't go entirely to plan. The paint started peeling, algae took over, and the whole thing turned into a lovely shade of Shrek-swamp green.

But instead of just letting nature do its thing, some highly motivated individuals apparently decided to take matters into their own hands. Trump and other officials confirmed that multiple people have already been bagged and cited for allegedly destroying federal property.

Trump laid out the absolute madness of the situation during an Oval Office presser on Wednesday. "They went down with probably a box cutter or a very sharp razor of some kind or a knife, and they cut, and then they started ripping it up," Trump said. "You know why? Because they’re sick people."

You honestly have to admire the sheer dedication of someone walking down to the National Mall with a box cutter, ready to physically fight a body of water. Trump blamed the incident squarely on "Trump Derangement Syndrome" and demanded maximum jail time. "These people should go to jail for a long time," he added.

To make matters worse, Trump revealed that the pool has to be partially drained just to clean up the mess. He also speculated that the same anti-paint activists decided to commit some casual biological warfare, claiming they poured fertilizer in the water and acid on the nearby lawns. "Acid kills grass quickly – so that’s being fixed," Trump noted.

Meanwhile, the actual ground work is being done by long-suffering National Park Service (NPS) workers and contractors, who were spotted on June 18, 2026, using giant vacuums to suck green algae off the bottom of the pool. Imagine explaining to your boss that you spent your afternoon vacuuming a swamp because of politics.

We’ve also had some high-tier drama already. US Olympian David Hearn had to go on a full public relations damage-control tour to deny vandalizing the pool after he was arrested in a viral incident. It seems the feds are casting a very wide net to find these pool-paint bandits.

If you happen to recognize the woman in the video who decided to vibe-check the Reflecting Pool, the Park Police would love to have a word with her. Defacing federal property with a box cutter is a bold strategy, but it's probably going to end with a very un-fun court date.

Sources: * United States Park Police, Official Media Relations Log * White House Press Office, Transcript of Oval Office Press Pool Remarks * National Park Service, Facility Maintenance Division Reports