Alright, chuds, gather 'round. The Deep State of SPF is at it again, this time targeting the noble sunbed. The Sunbed Association, bless their free-thinking hearts, has triggered the woke health establishment by suggesting that, gasp, a tan might actually offer some protection against sunburn. You know, like your grandpa always said.

Cue the outrage. Cancer Research UK and the British Association of Dermatologists, handmaidens of Big Pharma, are hyperventilating, claiming that a tan is a 'sign of skin damage' and increases your risk of skin cancer. As if everything enjoyable doesn't increase your risk of something. Living increases your risk of death, snowflakes.

According to the Sunbed Association's website, when asked if “Is it true there is no such thing as a safe tan?” the answer was a resounding “No. Tanned skin protects against sunburn.” This based take has sent the pearl-clutchers into overdrive.

Full Fact, a fact-checking outfit that's about as reliable as a CNN poll, consulted with seven UK, European, and US health organizations, all of whom dutifully parroted the official narrative: tanning bad, Vitamin D good (but only from government-approved sources, obviously). It's all so tiresome.

Sophie Brooks, the health information manager at Cancer Research UK (sounds like a fun job), told Full Fact that “There’s no such thing as safe tanning from UV radiation… A tan is a sign of skin damage and offers very little protection against the sun.” Translation: Obey the experts, sheeple. Don't think for yourselves.

The British Association of Dermatologists piled on, stating, “There is no safe way to get a tan. Whether from the sun or a sunbed, a tan is a visible sign that your skin has been damaged by ultraviolet (UV) radiation, which increases your risk of skin cancer.” So basically, being alive is dangerous. Got it.

The European Commission, because of course they weighed in, declared, “The only safe way to use [sunbeds] is not to use them at all.” Gotta love those unelected bureaucrats telling us how to live our lives. But the Sunbed Association didn't back down.

Full Fact hounded the Sunbed Association to justify their position. The association responded that a controlled tan slightly increases the skin’s protection against further UV damage and cited scientific papers to back up their claim. Naturally, Full Fact dismissed this as 'flawed and/or selective data.' Because questioning the narrative is heresy, obviously.