Barry, Wales – Three households in Barry have caught the dreaded hepatitis A. The establishment media is already prepping the narrative: are these families victims of late-stage capitalism? Is this a direct result of Brexit? Did Putin release weaponized hepatitis? The truth is probably less exciting: somebody didn't wash their hands after touching something nasty.

Public Health Wales, bless their hearts, is urging parents to remind their kids about the magic of soap and water. Because apparently, in 2026, people still need to be told not to eat dirt. What's next? A PSA about not licking doorknobs?

Hepatitis A, for those who skipped biology class, is a liver infection spread by, wait for it, feces. Yes, the same stuff you flush down the toilet. The same stuff that ends up on your hands if you're not careful. It's like the opposite of the Midas touch: everything you touch turns to… well, you get the idea.

They're offering vaccines to close contacts, which is sensible enough. But let's be real, the best vaccine is a good, thorough hand-washing. Remember that time Palmerston primary school got shut down for cleaning after 5 cases? Weren't the lockdowns enough? At least we got to see TikTok dances of nurses doing the same stuff they're being told to do now.

The UKHSA says cases are up? Of course they are. Everything's up. Inflation, gas prices, the number of genders… Might as well add hepatitis A to the list. Maybe it's the chemtrails. Maybe it's the government testing new bio-weapons in Barry, Wales. Or maybe, just maybe, people have forgotten how to wash their darn hands.

So, to the good people of Barry, and to everyone else: Wash your hands. It's not rocket science. It's not a conspiracy. It's just basic hygiene. And if you're feeling sick, go see a doctor. Unless you're afraid they'll prescribe you more lockdowns and social distancing. In that case, just stay home and binge-watch conspiracy videos on YouTube.

Remember that time there were 98 sick and 58 hospitalized from Hepatitis A from a contaminated supermarket product? So either don't eat, or grow your own food. You'll die from something eventually.

This is your daily reminder that the apocalypse is not coming, it's already here, and it smells faintly of disinfectant and panic buying. Buckle up, buttercups.