Alright, alright, so this Sabastian Sawe guy ran a marathon in under two hours. Congrats, I guess. While the West is busy debating pronouns and defunding the police, someone in Kenya is actually accomplishing something. Maybe we should send our woke college grads over there to learn a thing or two about discipline and, you know, actual achievement.

Seriously though, good for him. He's got his wife, Lydia, handing him fermented milk, probably knows which bathroom to use, and isn't apologizing for existing. Meanwhile, back in America, we're arguing about whether running is racist because some people are faster than others. You can't make this stuff up.

This whole “hero’s welcome” thing? Yeah, that’s what happens when you actually do something impressive. In America, you get a participation trophy just for showing up. Maybe that's why our elites are so soft and clueless. Back in Eldoret, they're too busy pounding red dirt roads to worry about safe spaces and microaggressions.

And let's talk about that Kenyan military plane. Probably not running on unicorn farts and good intentions, unlike our virtue-signaling green energy initiatives. They got a job to do, and they use what works. Efficiency? Remember that?

Vivian Kimaru, the grandma, was in the freaking Olympics in 1972. Now that's a family with some grit. Our athletes are too busy kneeling for the anthem and tweeting about social justice to actually win medals. It's a shame, really.

The fact that he's running at altitude is probably why he is good, which means he actually earned his spot. I'm sure he didn't get in from some stupid quota.

So, yeah, Sawe’s fast. But can he stop the cultural rot? Can he save us from ourselves? Doubt it. We're too far gone. Enjoy your wreath, dude. You’ve earned it. We’ll just be over here, watching the empire crumble while debating the merits of soy milk.

Anyway, good for the guy. Hope he enjoys the cabbage and beef stew. Probably tastes better than anything we're serving up in our overpriced, virtue-signaling vegan restaurants.