So, Wes Streeting, the guy who's been sucking at the government teat for ages, suddenly has a revelation: social media might be kinda bad for the little guys. Cue the pearl-clutching and demands for a ban on under-16s accessing the very platforms that keep them from burning down orphanages. This is the level of galaxy-brain thinking we're dealing with here, folks.

His brilliant solution? Treat social media like Big Tobacco. Because, you know, staring at TikTok dances is EXACTLY the same as huffing nicotine until your lungs look like charcoal briquettes. This guy is comparing teenagers filming themselves doing the Renegade to actual cancer. We're doomed.

Streeting claims he was fighting the good fight inside the cabinet, but, SURPRISE, nobody listened. Now that he's “liberated from the obligations of collective responsibility” (aka, he's angling for a leadership challenge), he's ready to drop truth bombs on the unsuspecting public. Translation: he needs headlines.

Let's be real, though. This isn't about protecting kids; it's about politicians desperately trying to understand technology they can barely operate, and then trying to regulate it into oblivion. It's the same knee-jerk reaction we see every time a newfangled gadget comes along. “It's corrupting the youth!” they scream, while simultaneously posting vacation pics on Instagram.

The government's “consultation” is ending tonight, which means they'll probably implement some half-assed measure that accomplishes absolutely nothing except making it harder for people to share dank memes. Good job, guys. You've officially saved the children by making it slightly more annoying to use the internet. High five.

And let's not forget the inevitable surveillance state implications. A social media ban for minors? Sounds like a perfect excuse for the government to snoop on everything everyone is doing online. Freedom? What's that?

Seriously, the only thing more cringe than politicians trying to understand social media is them trying to regulate it. They should stick to what they're good at: lining their pockets and starting wars. Leave the TikTok dances to the teenagers.

The most likely outcome? A watered-down version of the Australian proposal that is unenforceable, easily bypassed, and ultimately irrelevant. But hey, at least Streeting got his headline. Mission accomplished. Another day, another politician pandering to the Boomers while simultaneously ruining the internet for everyone else.