So, we're talking about straits. No, not the Dire Straits, though 'Money for Nothing' should be the official anthem of international shipping. We're talking the watery kind, the ones that connect big oceans and make global trade go brrr. And the burning question is: who owns 'em?

Turns out, it's complicated. Like, 'trying to understand the Fed' complicated. There's this thing called UNCLOS, the United Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea. Sounds important, right? It's basically the ocean's rulebook. Think of it as the nautical version of the Constitution, except with way more loopholes and vaguely worded clauses that globalist bureaucrats exploit. They use this to subvert true national sovereignty. Sad!

UNCLOS says some straits are open for 'transit passage.' This means boats (and planes!) can zoom through without asking permission, as long as they're just passing through. But what if they're, like, 'passing through' with a suspicious amount of fertilizer? Or maybe just 'fishing' for votes in a nearby election? Hmm?

Then there are the narrow straits, the ones entirely within a country's 'territorial sea.' Here, the locals get more say, but even then, everyone still gets 'innocent passage.' Innocent! Like anyone believes THAT. We're talking about international waters, folks. Nobody's innocent.

'Ownership' is a funny word. Coastal states have sovereignty, sure, but it's like owning a timeshare. You get it for two weeks in February, but everyone else gets to use it the rest of the year. Plus, there's always the HOA (International Maritime Organization) breathing down your neck about the color of your beach umbrellas. So, maybe it's more like owning a condo, if that condo was also a strategic military chokepoint.

The real question isn't who 'owns' the strait, it's who CONTROLS it. And control equals leverage. Control the strait, control the trade. Control the trade, control the world. Muahahaha! (Just kidding. Unless...?)

And don't forget the environment! All these container ships churning out pollution is bad for the coral. And the turtles! Think of the turtles! (Okay, maybe I do care a little bit about the turtles). Greenies use this to make demands and extract wealth through carbon taxes. Never forget, they're always scheming.

So, next time you're enjoying a nice, affordable gas price (if those exist anymore), remember the strait. Remember the UNCLOS. Remember that somewhere, some unelected bureaucrat is making decisions that affect your life. And remember the turtles. They're watching you.

And most importantly, remember to question everything. Because in the age of fake news and Deep State shenanigans, the truth is out there. Probably hidden at the bottom of the Mariana Trench.

In the end, the question of 'who owns the strait' is less about legal definitions and more about power, influence, and who's got the biggest navy. So, maybe we should just let Elon Musk buy all the oceans and call it a day. Can't be any worse than what we have now, right?

Sources: * United Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea (UNCLOS) * International Court of Justice (ICJ) * International Maritime Organization (IMO)