LONDON – Keir Starmer, the human equivalent of unseasoned porridge, is feeling the heat after last week's election beatdown. Catherine West, a Labour backbencher, initially threatened a full-blown leadership challenge but has now downgraded to demanding he announce his self-imposed exile by September. Is this the beginning of the end for Sir Keir Dithers?

West, bless her heart, announced she was going to gather the requisite signatures to challenge Starmer, only to then claim it was all a ruse to encourage someone else to do the dirty work. Classic politician move. Now, she's calling for an "orderly transition," which is basically code for "get out, we're tired of losing."

After Starmer's rambling speech where he promised to keep fighting despite, you know, losing, West issued a statement that perfectly encapsulated the sentiment of anyone who's been paying attention: "Too little, too late." No participation trophies here, Keir.

"I have listened to the prime minister’s speech this morning. I welcome the renewed energy and ideas. However, I have reluctantly concluded that this morning’s speech was too little too late," West stated. "The results last Thursday show that the prime minister has failed to inspire hope. What is best for the party and country now is for an orderly transition. I am hereby giving notice to No 10 that I am collecting names of Labour MPs to call on the prime minister to set a timetable for the election of a new leader in September."

So, West is collecting names demanding Starmer sets a date. This isn't an actual challenge, mind you, just a really public way of saying, “We’re not mad, just disappointed.” It's a de facto no-confidence vote, basically a political subtweet.

This whole saga might take some pressure off Starmer in the short term. Names like Wes Streeting and Angela Rayner were supposedly gearing up for a challenge. Now, they might have time to sharpen their knives and craft their own narratives before the September showdown. Or maybe they'll just wait for someone else to do the work. Politicians, amirite?

Then there's Andy Burnham, the Mayor of Greater Manchester, who's been itching to get back into Parliament. Starmer said Burnham's return is still up for debate by Labour's national executive, who previously blocked him. Talk about holding a grudge. Guess Starmer doesn’t want any actual competition.