Philadelphia, PA - Welp, looks like the birthplace of liberty just birthed another woke warrior. Chris Rabb, a dude so far left he probably thinks the Constitution is a microaggression, just snagged the Democratic primary for Pennsylvania's 3rd Congressional District.

This guy's got the full 'Squad' seal of approval, which is basically a guarantee that he'll spend his time in Congress virtue signaling and pushing policies that sound great on Twitter but will turn Philly into the next Detroit. Think free everything, endless regulations, and a whole lotta finger-wagging at anyone who dares to disagree.

The endorsements from Reps. Pramila Jayapal, Maxwell Frost and Gregorio Casar are basically the progressive version of the bat signal. They see Rabb as a fellow traveler, a comrade in the fight against... well, everything that makes America great, apparently. In their words, he's a 'social justice activist' who's gonna stick it to the 'billionaire class.' Because that's totally how you fix poverty – demonize success, right?

Remember State Senator Sharif Street? The guy who actually lives in Philly and tried to make a case that he was more, ya know, PHILADELPHIAN? Yeah, he got clobbered. Apparently, being from the city isn't as important as having the right pronouns and a burning desire to dismantle capitalism.

Rabb also lapped up endorsements from the Working Families Party and Justice Democrats, because of course he did. Those groups are basically the farm team for future AOCs – churning out fresh-faced radicals ready to cancel anyone who still believes in, like, personal responsibility or fiscal sanity.

'Our coalition is people-powered, and our allies are united in our fight to demand a prosperous future for the multiracial working class families and communities who are the heart of Philly and represent our city’s incredible strength and potential,' Rabb said. Translation: Free stuff for everyone! Who's paying for it? Don't worry about it! It's just Monopoly money, right?

So, congratulations, Philadelphia. You've elected a guy who's probably gonna spend more time grandstanding on social media than actually solving problems. Get ready for higher taxes, more government overreach, and a whole lotta lectures about your privilege. But hey, at least you'll be able to virtue signal with the best of them.

Don't say we didn't warn you. The revolution is here, and it's being funded by your hard-earned dollars. Remember to buy Bitcoin, because that will be the only currency left after this guy gets through with the economy. I'm ready to move to Montana and build a bunker with all this craziness.

At this point, I want to ask the Founding Fathers to come back and tell me what went wrong. They probably wouldn't recognize the country now anyways. At least we have memes. And guns. And freedom. For now. Hopefully. Never trust a politician.

Rabb's background includes working with former Senator Carol Moseley-Braun. He welcomed endorsements from Philadelphia City Council members Kendra Brooks and Nicolas O’Rourke, both affiliated with the Working Families Party. The Republican Party holds only one seat on the Philadelphia City Council. This just goes to show how blue the city is.

The next couple years are going to be wild, but at least we get to see it. Buckle up, buttercups. And God save America. Or at least, save the good parts.