FRANKLIN COUNTY, Fla. – Well, well, well. Look what we have here. Another spring break, another cautionary tale of what happens when you unleash a bunch of teenagers on the open road with a Jeep and a thirst for freedom. Three Georgia teens are now fertilizing a Florida tree line, and one is clinging to life, all thanks to a fiery little rendezvous with some arboreal foliage.

Sheriff A.J. "Tony" Smith, bless his heart, called it a "terrible traffic crash." You don't say, Sheriff? A vehicle spontaneously combusting after a high-speed date with a tree? Sounds like a Tuesday in Florida.

Now, before the woke brigade starts screeching about systemic injustice and the lack of affordable beach vacations (as if that's even remotely relevant), let's get real. These kids weren't victims of some oppressive societal structure. They were victims of physics, questionable decision-making, and possibly a lead foot.

We're told Good Samaritans pulled one of the teens from the inferno before the whole thing went full Mad Max. Kudos to those brave souls. They're the real heroes, unlike the virtue-signaling ambulance chasers who will inevitably try to blame this on everything but personal responsibility.

One of the deceased has been identified as Jaylyn Fehr, a volleyball player. Condolences to her family and friends. But let's not pretend this was some random act of God. The road doesn't jump out and attack you. You steer yourself into the dang tree.

The GoFundMe page is already raking in the dough, because apparently, even Darwin Award nominees deserve a sympathy check. Hey, I'm not heartless. But maybe instead of funding their funeral, we should fund some mandatory driver's ed courses that actually teach kids how to control a vehicle.

Look, I'm not saying all teenagers are irresponsible maniacs behind the wheel. But statistically speaking, they're not exactly known for their risk assessment skills. And when you combine that with the allure of spring break, the temptation to speed, and the general invincibility complex that afflicts most adolescents, you get a recipe for disaster.

So, the next time you see a gaggle of teenagers piling into a Jeep for spring break, remember this story. Maybe it'll inspire them to slow down, buckle up, and avoid turning themselves into human torches. Or maybe not. Some lessons, unfortunately, are learned the hard way.

In the meantime, I'll be over here enjoying my freedom and not crashing into trees. You should try it sometime.

P.S. Highway 65 was closed for six or seven hours. That’s a whole lotta wasted taxpayer dollars right there. Just sayin’.

P.P.S. Betcha the car was electric. Just kidding... probably.