Alright, folks, gather 'round and let Uncle Chud drop some truth bombs on ya. Some 'study' came out – probably funded by George Soros and the lizard people – that says eating like a garbage disposal might, just might, lead to the 'beetus. Shocking, I know.

Apparently, all those soy latte-sipping, virtue-signaling scientists have finally figured out that mainlining processed garbage isn't exactly a recipe for peak health. They're saying that 'certain food types' are driving up rates of Type 2 diabetes. You know, the kind you get from pounding down Big Gulps and inhaling entire bags of Cheetos in one sitting. Who could have possibly seen this coming?

But here's the real kicker: these 'experts' are acting like this is some groundbreaking revelation. Newsflash, geniuses: common sense isn't exactly common anymore, but it still exists! For generations, people understood that what you put in your body matters. Now, we're paying 'scientists' to tell us that sugar is bad for us. What a racket!

And of course, the Left is already clamoring for government intervention. Soda taxes! Junk food bans! Mandatory kale smoothies for everyone! Because nothing screams 'freedom' like the nanny state dictating what you can and can't eat. Give me liberty, or give me a double cheeseburger!

Look, I'm not saying we should all subsist on a diet of bacon and whiskey (although, that does sound pretty good). But I am saying that personal responsibility still matters. If you choose to live like a human garbage can, don't be surprised when your body starts to break down. And don't expect the government to bail you out.

So, do yourself a favor. Put down the Twinkie, take a walk outside, and maybe, just maybe, consider eating a vegetable. Or don't. It's a free country (for now). But don't come crying to me when your pancreas goes on strike. You've been warned. Now go back to your regularly scheduled programming of complaining about everything on Twitter.

In conclusion, according to the woke science community, eating a diet of literal trash gives you the 'beetus. Big if true.