So, get this: Sextortion is up in the UK. Way up. Like, a 34% spike in the last year, according to some nerds at “Report Remove.” Seems kids are still falling for the oldest trick in the book: sending nudes to strangers on the internet. Who could have seen that coming?

And guess who’s mostly getting fleeced? Boys aged 14-17. 98% of the victims are young dudes. Maybe instead of pronouns in bio, we should teach them some basic common sense? Just a thought.

But don't worry, Mark Zuckerberg and his woke buddies at Meta are totally on it! I mean, they’re probably too busy shadowbanning conservatives and pushing the latest climate change hoax, but they swear they care about the children. Right after they finish selling their data to the Chinese Communist Party.

The Molly Rose Foundation (MRF) – never heard of 'em – is whining about Apple and Google needing to slap “nudity-detection technology” on phones. Because more surveillance is exactly what we need. Why not just wrap 'em in bubble wrap and never let 'em leave the house?

The Internet Watch Foundation (IWF) wants the government to step in. Of course they do. Because nothing solves a problem like more government bureaucracy. Hannah Swirsky, the IWF’s head policy goblin, is probably angling for a cushy government job out of all of this. More rules, more funding, more power for the 'elite'!

Meanwhile, some poor sap named Murray Dowey offed himself after getting sextorted. Tragic, sure. But his parents suing Meta? Come on. Maybe teach your kid not to send dick pics to randos on the internet instead of looking for a payday.

Ros Dowey is “horrified and disappointed.” No kidding. Mark Dowey thinks “the tide of public perception is turning against social media platforms.” Maybe. Or maybe people are just realizing that the internet is full of creeps and that you can't legislate stupidity.

Tech Coalition is sharing “tipoffs.” Report Remove is making “hashes.” Whatever. It’s all just virtue signaling from companies that are making billions off the destruction of society. They love to act like they are doing something, while doing absolutely nothing.

Bottom line: The internet is a cesspool. Kids are dumb. Tech companies are evil. And the government is useless. End of story. Now go outside and touch some grass. Seriously.