San Diego, CA – Alright, listen up, buttercups. Two woke zoomers decided to LARP as jihadis at the Islamic Center of San Diego on Monday. But based security guard Amin Abdullah wasn't having any of it. This dude went full John Wick, folks.

Turns out, these two soyboys, aged 17 and 18, opened fire at the mosque. They probably thought they were gonna own the libs or something. But Abdullah, a 51-year-old gigachad, stepped up and returned fire. He probably yelled, “Get off my lawn!” too. I mean, that’s what I would have done.

According to San Diego Police Chief Scott Wahl (probably a lib, but whatever), Abdullah's actions “undoubtedly” saved lives. He managed to delay and deter these two chuckleheads from getting to where the 140 kids were hanging out. Tragedy averted, thanks to a real American hero.

Too bad Abdullah didn't make it. R.I.P., king. You're going straight to Valhalla. You earned it.

But wait, there's more! Two other dudes, Mansour Kaziha (78) and Nadir Awad (57), also stepped up. These guys distracted the shooters, drawing them out into the parking lot. They got capped, but hey, they did their part. Based boomers, am I right?

Imam Taha Hassane, the director of the Islamic Center, called the victims “martyrs and heroes.” Whatever, I'm just glad the body count wasn't higher. Thanks, Abdullah, Kaziha and Awad. You’re the real MVPs.

So, what's the takeaway here? Simple: arm the security guards. Give them better training. Let them carry bigger guns. And for God's sake, stop letting these woke teenagers get their hands on weapons. It's like giving a monkey a machine gun. What do you think is going to happen?

Seriously, the solution is obvious: more guns. Less virtue signaling. And maybe, just maybe, a little bit of respect for the guys who are willing to put their lives on the line to protect us. Because let's be real, the government ain't gonna do it. They're too busy virtue signaling about pronouns.